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Well, Bugger Me! Got Myself a Doggone Diagnosis…

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Lazy Cows, Kendal
Image by Luke Robinson via Flickr

It’s official: I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/M.E. I’m in shock and it’s mostly because of actually getting a diagnosis. It’s only taken 11 months. And seven years. Yeah, that was always depression as well… And I’ve already had a run-in with someone who thinks ME is just ‘Lazy Cow Syndrome’. Can’t wait for word to get around and the bitchy finger-pointing to start… God, I love my life! :-)

Anyway, I have to see my GP on 4th July to discuss possible drug treatments and I’ve just been referred to an Occupational Therapist for – well, who knows, whatever it is that OT’s do.

On a brighter note, I’ve been doing some research for the book and I thought I’d share: niche dating sites. If golfing is a huge part of your life, for example, it stands to reason that you’d want to date a golfer. Why, then, trawl through hundreds of general profiles when  you could just join a golfing dating site?

And believe me, there’s a niche dating site out there dedicated to fulfilling all your needs, requirements or plain old kinky desires.

Ten Incredibly Specific Niche Sites:

1. Adopt a Guy ~ every girl loves shopping, right? Guys fill out their profiles and sit on the ‘shelves’ until a gorgeous girl comes along and pops him into her ‘shopping trolley’, and only then, is he allowed to spark up a conversation. Is this girl power or just girl power gone bonkers? Great for shy guys or female control freaks.

2. Date My Pet ~ in case you’re worried about the whole bestiality issue, this site just concentrates on matching mutual pet-lovers. I think. But then, couldn’t that cause potential problems? Suppose I met The One I Just Couldn’t Live Without and my dog and his cat hated each other. Or suppose my pussy just
gobbled up his pet mouse. What then? Would True Love conquer all? Or would we all end up in step-pet’s therapy?

3. Ugly Bug Ball ~ because beauty is all in the eye of the beholder (or the severely intoxicated), this is for the more aesthetically challenged amongst us… A site dedicated to purely ugly people. How liberating! You’d never need to shave your pits, ladies, or keep your acne under control. And if he ever complained, you could snarl, ‘I’m beautiful on the inside, remember?’

4. Trek Passions ~ for anyone with an interest in science-fiction – no, an obsession; you’d have to be besotted to want to spend your days discussing lien abduction and doing that strange Vulcan sign thing with your fingers. But, as they say on the site: Love Long and Prosper.

5. Pounced ~ this is the place for anyone who enjoys dressing up as an animal, and ouncing on an equally hairy mate – or ‘furry’ as they like to be called. Yeah, I know, but it takes all sorts. And can’t you just imagine the ads: Lonesome Rabbit in Need of New Hole. Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing Seeks Lamb for Breakfast.   Hairy Brown Bear Wants to Dip his Paws in your Honey. Randy Dog Needs  Somewhere Safe to Bury His Bone…

6. Positively Singles ~ are you hampered by Herpes? Scuppered by Syphilis? Clammed-up through Chlamydia? Or gummed up with Gonorrhoea? Do you worry you’ll  never find The One because you slept with way too many of The Others? Well,  help is here! You need never again fret about passing on your sexually transmitted disease to users on this site because they already have them! How cool is that?
A match made in Heaven…

7. Cougar Date ~ yep,  this one’s all about  young men dating older women. I can kind of see the attraction – a Toy-Boy’s going to be cuter and more virile than say, a fifty-year-old, bald and beer-bellied bloke, but c’mon,  some of these guys are eighteen. What on earth would you talk about? Lady Gaga? And where would you go on a date? Homework Club?

8. Instant Quickies ~ feeling horny? Do you fancy an instant, uncomplicated  shag? Well, look no further than the McDonald’s of dating sites – Instant  Quickies, the place where you can find and hook-up with a consenting mate for the night. (Or early afternoon if you have to be home to do the school-run.) And if you see someone you like and he suddenly disappears, don’t worry, he’ll be popping up again next week on Positively Singles.

9. Uniform Dating ~ ooh! If you fantasise about being rescued from a natural or a thug-made disaster by a hunky guy in uniform – and let’s be real: what woman with a pulse doesn’t? – then this is the site for you. Pages and pages of  testosterone-fuelled Alpha males. Oh, be still my twitching knickers.

10. Daily Diapers ~ okay. So here’s the thing – some people like wearing nappies. Yep. And rubber pants. And even babygros. They even like to soil themselves. And be bathed, dressed and fed liquified mush by their partners. It’s fun. Relaxing, apparently. If this appeals to you and you’re not quite sure where you’d find a like-minded playmate, log onto Daily Diapers and, er… go, poop!

Doesn’t it make you just wanna go and sign up?

About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

18 responses »

  1. Okay, first of all, congrats on getting diagnosed!! I know that sounds weird, but I also know how frustrating it is to know something is wrong with you but you just don’t know what. And secondly….that Pouncing Pussies or whatever its called was actually a plot line for the original CSI. I was rolling on the floor watching that. Never imagined it was a real thing!

    Reply
    • Pouncing Pussies? LMAO! That’s a great name – much prefer it to boring old Pounced!

      Thanks, Lisa. It was a huge relief until I told a ‘friend’ – she said it’s just an imaginary illness. People go on the internet, look up the symptoms and then quote ‘em back to the doc just to get disability benefits. Next time I’ll stick with my enemies… :-)

      Reply
  2. Thank God! Finally, they have given you answer to what is wrong with you. That should make you feel better.

    So which of the sites are you going to join? I’m thinking the Cougar one?

    Reply
    • Thanks, Bernie. Lol at Cougar!! God, can you imagine the energy it’d take, keeping up with a twenty-year-old whose recovery period is like ten minutes and a glass of juice? *shudders* But, hey! What a way to go! Death by shagging :-)

      Reply
  3. Are these really real????

    Reply
    • ‘Fraid so. It’s scary, isn’t it? Especially the Instant Quickies. And there’s one for discreet marrieds who fancy some extra-marital liasons. Really don’t know what to say about the diaper one…

      Reply
  4. LMAO! I love #3! That’s just too funny!

    And those “furry” clubs, all too real. Saw a CSI episode about them once.

    There is a Christian Dating site that is advertised all time here in the states. You do can share the love of God with someone special.

    SO glad you’re finally diagnosed! OT? What on earth for? You have no problem walking, talking, doing housework, or anything? That’s a quizzler! I just made up that word.

    Reply
    • Yep, dating for Bug-Uglies! Wouldn’t mind, but most of ‘em on there are better looking than I am! :-O

      Share your love of God with someone special – lol – sounds like a threesome!

      Yeah, the OT deals with sleeping issues, and pacing – breaking down activities into tiny steps with rest periods in between to help save energy. That sort of thing, apparently…

      Quizzler – I like it! :-)

      Reply
  5. thesacredmongoose

    You think Occupational Therapists are shady confusing figures? Try Speech Therapists – my doctor calls them the “Black Hole Dept”…. which is a bit worrying when you get a referral! :P

    Oooooh I had a mate who went on uniform dating. There was an American guy who was a NAVY SEAL (and that’s how he wrote it on his profile every time he mentioned it!).

    xxxxx

    Reply
    • It’s gotta be wearing the white coat that does it. Makes ‘em sinister or evil or something. God! A doctor with a sense of humour?? Where do I sign up?

      Did your friend meet anyone special on Uniform Dating? Apart from the NAVY SEAL, of course… ;-)

      Reply
  6. Anything for gamers? I’ve got at least one friend who could do with a niche site like that.

    Reply
  7. You might try drinking low/no calcium water and cutting out milk and all it’s products. Up the intake of oily fish -Vit D- and you’ll draw all the needs from veg.

    Reply
  8. ah sara you are so funny, i love having a read! hows the book stuff going? well i hope??? please can you follow ze new blog? http://www.sloane-square.blogspot.com i have one follower and its starting to depress me. haha
    hope you are well?? your son is still a darling, visits me all the time :D anyway hope to hear from you soon xx all the best!!!

    lots of love xxxx

    Reply
    • I love your blog – it looks so professional. I’ll hop over again in a minute and sign up. I’ll give it a shout-out here as well :-)
      Hope you’re doing alright! You mudt come and stay with us sometime :-) *hugs* XX

      Reply

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