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My name’s Mike, but you can call me anytime…

 

Profile of a Coastal Carpet Python (Morelia sp...

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    Good grief! You’re getting a view! (Specialised online dating vocabulary – it means someone is having a good old nosey at your profile details.) This is your chance to wow your public with your sparkling wit and vibrant personality.

Or not, as the case may be…

These are real snippets – the funny, the awful and the truly cheesy bits…

 ″I have a snake-like tongue and know to give a woman pleasure…. ″

(Oh, gross! Crawl back to your hole, loser!)

″Let me take you to a world of sexual fulfillment, a world where you quiver and shake with delight and contentment. Message me, I’m waiting to take you… ″

 (Well, someone thinks he’s found the G-Spot…)

″I have a lorry with a bed in the back…″

″OMG! Fed up with filling these things out, so I’m just gonna go blah, blah, blah….’til I’ve used up enough letters to get past this point. Blah, blah, blah…

(Yep, that tells me all I need to know about you. Wanker!)

″Message me, I don’t bite – well, not unless you want me to! LOL!″

(That line was funny the first time I read it…)

″I’m looking for an Activity Partner.″

(For what? Scrabble? Bungee jumping?!)

″I’m  looking for someone normal. I don’t care if your bum’s too big, or your boobs are too small…God, just someone sane…″

(Flippin’ heck, he’s obviously been through it…)

 ″I’m looking for a person.″

(Well, good luck with that one…)

″I have two legs, two arms, one torso and a head. I have a brain that controls all my bodily functions.″

 ( Hey, no shit, Sherlock!)

″I in joy nites in. Or out. Male me if your in trested.″

(Ye Gods! I’m  saying  nothing!)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

″I’m looking for a lady whose beauty is within her soul…″

(Wow! He’s obviously gagging for it!)

″Desperately seeking Susan, or Brenda… ″           

(Bless!)

″Do you like Pokemon? I’d love to take a Pikachu…″

And my Profile? Well that says:

″Old boiler in need of a bloody good service!″  😉

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

                           

 

 

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

2 responses »

  1. ″I’m looking for someone normal. I don’t care if your bum’s too big, or your boobs are too small…God, just someone sane…″

    He sounded okay >_<

    Reply

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