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No crudity, please; we’re British…

Doggy Style

Image by Travis S. via Flickr

And the don’ts:

Don’t start with the sex-talk. Do you like it doggy-style? as an appropriate  conversation opener? I think not. Women already believe most men are purely after sex, why add logs to the fire? And I seriously never, ever  wanna see another photo of  Thunder the Wonder Horse. Even if it is smothered in whipped cream and drizzled with chocolate. Leave it for the bedroom. If you get that far.

Don’t believe everything you’re told. Men and women commonly shave a few numbers off their age and add it to their height to make themselves appear more attractive. Others lie about their job. Hell, some people even forget they’re married. Take it all with a healthy dose of skepticism until you find out for sure.

Don’t post photos of you with your ex. Yes, I know you don’t want to come across as a desperate, lonely sod, but again, it smacks of ‘I’m just sooo not over her/him/it’. Ditto with pictures of your children.  You just can’t assess someone as a possible date when they’re playing mum or dad. Two different roles. And it feels wrong to even be looking. More to the point, who on earth thinks it’s okay to plaster photos of their kids all over the internet?

Don’t blast someone you like with loads of messages in one day. It smacks of desperation. People do have lives. Most of us aren’t sitting by the computer, waiting for a member of the opposite sex to throw us a scrap of attention. Be patient, and don’t get abusive. Give them twenty-four hours and move on.

Don’t tell someone your life-story in one e-mail. It’s boring, and personal stuff is far better explained face-to-face.  Ask questions of the other person, keep the dialogue moving. Stick to light-hearted, flirty and brief. And no crudity, please; we’re British.

And whatever you do, don’t  get hung up on one person. Even if he is gorgeous and you’d secretly named all your future children and picked out and decorated a nice little cottage for you all by the sea. If only he’d dump that trollop of a woman and come back to me…Mmm…Meringue Man  😉


About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

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