Men and women are different. And not just in the obvious way. We have different priorities, thought processes and behaviour . Not rocket science, I know, but it makes you wonder why? I remember sending someone a birthday card with this amazing snippet of wisdom on the front:
How to turn a woman on: Caress, pamper, massage, empathise, serenade, compliment, soothe, stroke, whisper, hug, tantalise, protect, smooch, nuzzle, charm, listen to, trust, defend, spoil, worship, adore, acknowledge, embrace, tease, idolise, die for, phone, anticipate, hug, love, ignore fat bits, stimulate, praise.
How to turn a man on: Get naked. Bring beer.
And it all goes back to what’s in his jeans – I mean, genes. One of Man’s greatest instincts is to procreate, to ensure the species survives. Poor old Stone-Age Man, needing to do the business, yet surrounded by fiercely predatory creatures – sabre-toothed tigers, wooly mammoths and rampaging mothers-in-law. His engine had to vroom from 0 to 60 at a second’s notice, making sure he reached his …er…destination in as short a time as possible. The risk of having something sharp and pointed plunged in your butt would do that to a man.
Us girls, of course, are more like diesel engines. Turn the key. Wait for the red light to go out. Ease s-l-o-w-l-y away from the kerb. Slip into second gear…You know the score. And I’m sure this is because our Stone-Age sisters couldn’t afford to get carried away; they were too busy guarding hubby’s bottom, while he got on with the serious business of hiding the hot-dog.
And you know why most men have a pet name for their penis? It’s because they don’t want a stranger making 99% of their decisions for them 😉