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Just one cock-up too many…

Evil emoticon

Image by wstera2 via Flickr

Can someone help me out here, please? Preferably before I scream and scream and explode in angry frustrated blobs that splatter the walls and make a mess of the carpet….

Remember me telling you about the deluge of indecent Purple Pecker Pictures I kept receiving in my inbox? Well, to stop the willy onslaught, I added my own appendage to my profile page:

Oh, and please DON’T send me photos of  your dangly bits. There’s a time and place for everything, and ‘Hello, here’s my todger’ isn’t one of them!

To me, that’s fair enough, and straight to the point, if you’ll pardon the pun. So why then, do I have an e-mail lurking in my message box, entitled: Hello, would you like to see my one-eyed trouser-snake?

Tell me where I’m going wrong, people. I mean, was that too subtle a message? Too sophisticated? Too obfuscating-ly oblique?

And it’s not that I’m a prude. If I was dating someone and we’d already done the jiggly jiggly, and he sent me a picture of his doodle along with a witty comment like ‘Meet me for dinner. I’m bringing desert!’, then I’d be as skippy as a teenager at a Justin Bieber gig.

But coming face-to-head with a strange, disembodied penis during your morning cuppa? It’s enough to scramble your eggs…

And, for the love of Mars bars and other things holy, don’t tell the  gorilla. He’s extremely protective. If he finds out other men have been flashing their wares in my face, there’s no telling what he’d do. In fact, he’d probably go completely bananas 😉

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

4 responses »

  1. “I’d be as skippy as a teenager at a Justin Bieber gig.”

    That right there. The kid is some anti-christ, I’m sure of it.

    You should get an e-mail account that allows you to block out pictures… ‘course that means you might miss out on genuinely good pics that aren’t of snakes.

    Reply
  2. Loving the name and shame idea! I received 5 pics today all very artfully posed (not!) I thought the guy was a mate and suddenly my email is full of throbbing pink flesh….

    Reply

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