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Even more ridiculous ways to find lurve…

  • Attend a stripping party: Tell a friend her house looks shabby, and then suggest she holds a decorating party, inviting everyone (single) she knows. Zoom in on a potential mate and offer to hold his (scraping) tool. If he starts flicking gluey strips of jaded wallpaper in your hair, you know you’ve pulled.
  • Through a friend: The perfect way to find love because your mate can pre-screen for undesirable qualities and deep-rooted psychological neuroses. She can pre-screen, but it doesn’t mean she will, though… A mutual mate once set me up with a moody, miserable bastard who hated women.  ‘Why didn’t you tell me he was a moody, miserable bastard who hated women? I moaned, a week later. ‘Well,’ she said, with a shrug, ‘You’re funny and lighthearted. We thought you might bring out his happy side. And it gave us a break for a couple of nights…’
  • Through a hobby: Is there an activity you enjoy doing at home? Could you turn it into a club for others to join? 
Burlesque Funk by Geishaboy500

Oops! Maybe not...

  • Venture into a Man’s World: Try DIY stores, golf ranges, garages, football matches – any place where men congregate! But, unless you’ve been chugging tequila slammers all night, probably best to avoid changing rooms or the gents’ toilets… Dress fluffy and do the whole ‘I’m a girl’ *flutter eyelashes* I need a big, strong man to check my oil/explain the offside rule/advise on the best screw fittings.’  If you’re not immediately surrounded by a flock of flashy peacocks, fall back on Plan B – cry.
  • Join a Health Club: Every day, across the country, millions of fit, attractive, gays are pumping iron…Whoops! I meant guys, of course…  😉
  • Throw a party: Invite everyone you know. Ask your friends to bring other friends, and their friends to – Just open-house to everyone! But, be prepared for vomit on the lawn, up your stairs and in the dishwasher. And don’t, for the love of Mars bars and other things holy, advertise your Singles Will Mingle event on Facebook, unless you’re prepared for: Confirmed Guest Attendance – 7, 631 …
  • Advertise for lurve:  Pop a notice in your local Spar, pub or post office. Make it stand out from all the usual Mature female WTLM male for companionship and walks by the sea. Go for something bold, eye-catching and unique. Old Banger, free to a good home. One former negligent owner. Bodywork’s a bit knackered and dented in places. Engine’s sluggish, but she just needs turning on and given a bloody good revving! 😉                                
Scrapped car

Old but still beautiful!

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

8 responses »

  1. Can your engine run on unleaded petrol, Ms Temper?

    Reply
    • My engine runs on pretty much anything these days, GB. In fact it’s purring as we speak 😉 Did you hear us talking about you? My, what big ears you have! While you’re here, can you solve the mysterious riddle of why men send strangers (notice I didn’t say strange women) photos of their plonkers? Is it a peacock thing? You know, ruffling up their feathers to make themselves look more masculine? Just a shame they’ve all pretty much had to use zoom…

      Reply
  2. That stripping party tip sounds delightful.

    Reply
  3. I’ve been reading everything, my dear, I have you on my blog reader. I assume the plonker photo is what a certain type of man considers to be flirting.

    Reply
    • ‘Oo-er, matron’, as we say here in England. I don’t suppose it’s a phrase commonly used in the Congo. I’ve been reading you, too 😉 Thank-you for your male insight on the plonker problem. Strange, but probably true.

      Reply
  4. Not sure if it’s considered flirting or just plain old male ego shouting “Look what i’ve got, do you want some”. I put this down to the fact that the photo’s are never, ever, ever followed by “Lets go out to dinner and really get to know each other properly before I introduce you to my ‘little’ friend!!”

    Reply
    • I know! Like I said earlier, there’s a time and a place, and ‘hello, here’s my todger’ isn’t one of them! I know men, on the whole, are sexually stimulated by visuals, but women (on the whole) aren’t, not until she feels something for the guy. Emotions come first for us. It’s a miracle men and women ever get it together! 🙂

      Reply

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