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Quite frankly, my dear, I can’t be arsed…

A clown made of sand for Sand World 2006

Image via Wikipedia

Reading Ellen’s Guide yesterday reminded me of the good ol’ Favourites’ List. It’s not a complicated system – just a page, containing all your favourite potential datees.  It’s like social bookmarking for saddos.

My list is empty. I probably don’t need to explain why… But I have been added to five favourites’ pages.  Oh lucky, lucky me.

The first is Babyface – the original todger-flasher (short, squat and wrinkly), who likes ‘collecting clowns on the beach’ and ‘melting with others’.

Then we have Fisherman – extremely distinguished i.e. older than my granddad and author of my last ‘Do you want to see my one-eyed trouser-snake?’ e-mail.

And Bald-Brian who quips, ‘Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts. Hee hee hee’.

The Octopus who’s looking for his ‘solemate’. Sounds a bit fishy to me

Finally, the Seahorse who wants a ‘nice female to hang out’.

I give up. Really.

But, what’s more confusing than the fact that I can only ever attract strange men, is why keep a list like this in the first place? Because these guys don’t ever make contact with you. It’s bizarre, really. Like buying your favourite Death by Chocolate dessert and never taking it out of the freezer, or worse still, pulling it out once a week and drooling over it! Eek!

And as for the other two Herberts. Well, if you’d sent someone photos of your dangly bits (or indeed, the offer of such) and had been completely blanked, would you consider that person a Favourite? I can’t work it out, honestly.

There’s another bonus feature on my site, called Meet me! That’s just the same. You trawl through users’ photos, and if you see someone you like, you click the ‘Yes! I’d like to meet you!’ button. Again, what’s the freakin’ point? Because these guys do nothing about it! Plenty of Fish should really install a button, saying ‘Yes! I’d like to meet you, but I can’t be arsed to make a move because I’m too busy wanking over the photos in my Favourites’ List!’

Ye Gods, is it any wonder I’m a cynic?

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

4 responses »

  1. LOL Tiny! Thank god I’m not the only one that gets creeped out by this! I have the same assortment of losers who’ve marked me as favorites and then never contacted me (I think it’s up to 12 now – i’m so popular with the ick crowd), but at least I’ve never gotten pics of their twigs and berries!

    Oh, and thanks for the shout out!

    Reply
    • I wonder sometimes whether it’s just the site generating those lists – it’s just weird how nobody ever makes contact! Twigs and berries? Love it! And you’re welcome! I’ll try not to steal too much more from your blog, but no promises! 🙂 Only just worked out how to add links – am such a computer-dork *blushes* 🙂

      Reply
      • I just figured it out the other day, so you’re doing great on the links thing! You can steal as much or as little as you’d like from my ramblings. We are sisters in pain in this world of internet dating, you know! 😉 Anything new on the man front? Oh, that’s right, I’d read about it …….never mind … 🙂

      • Hey, thanks – saves me thinking up stuff to write about! 🙂 And Humpf! on the man front!

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