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Things girls really don’t want to hear during sex…

Dimples of Venus on a woman in a bathing suit ...

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  1. Is that cellulite?
  2. Mr Winkey wants to play with Mrs Fou-Fou…
  3. Oh God! I’m stuck!
  4. Geddoffmee… I…Can’t…breathe…
  5. Do you take Visa?
  6. By the way, I haven’t really had a vasectomy…
  7. Hurry up!
  8. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
  9. Can I call you Mummy?
  10. Oh God, my back’s gone…
  11. This has never happened to me before…
  12. So how long, d’you think, before you’re there?
  13. Your mum is such a MILF!
  14. Jeez! Who opened the tuna?
  15. Ow! You’re not supposed to use your teeth!
  16. Wow! Look at your arse wobble!
  17. And to think, it was your mate I really fancied…
  18. I’m just trying to finish this game on Call of Duty…
  19. That was okay, but your sister was better.
  20. Uh-oh…The condom’s split…
  21. Those Wonderbras are amazing. I really thought you had tits…
  22. Did I take my Penicillin?
  23. Gosh, it’s so roomy in there…

About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

10 responses »

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty

    LMAO Tiny! Hard to choose, but I do believe 23 is quite possibly my favorite. 😉

    don’t forget about ‘I have to hurry, my wife is expecting me home for dinner’ or the ever popular ‘how about if we invite your friend to join us?’ 😉

  2. OMG!!!! I almost went into a coughing fit I was laughing so hard. Thank you!.

  3. 24. Your vagina tastes of fish paste.

    Actually, there’s no reason to say this with all the cherry-flavoured gels you can buy.

  4. Did I take my penicillin?! I spit my coffee out at that one. *howling*

  5. My all time favourite has to be “I’m afraid Mr Winkey is a bit small, so you play with yourself while I play with myself, can I watch though?”

    That was a very, very brief relationship!


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