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Things guys really don’t want to hear during sex…

Egyptian sex

Image via Wikipedia

  1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that!
  2. God, your ceiling really needs re-painting…
  3. So, when are we getting married?
  4. Let me go get my tweezers.
  5. I hope we make a baby.
  6. Did I remember to take my pill?
  7. God! Can’t you just breathe through your nose?
  8. Have we started yet?
  9. Ssh! You’ll wake my mother!
  10. On second thoughts, I do want the lights off…
  11. No, no, you carry on. I can still see Eastenders over your shoulder.
  12. But it still works, right?
  13. God, that stinks!
  14. What was your name again?
  15. Sorry! I meant to say Tom!
  16. See! I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
  17. No! It’s a one-way street. Exit only!
  18. I don’t care how much KY jelly you’ve got, the answer’s still no!
  19. Jeez! There’s no way that’s gonna fit!
  20. It’s no good. It just won’t wake up…
  21. It’s okay. The scabs have dried up. I’m not infectious anymore…
  22. No way! I’ll choke!
  23. Hahahahahahahaha!
  24. Do they even make condoms that small?
  25. No, really. I can do this part better myself…   😉
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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

6 responses »

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty

    I think I love you Tiny! You’re just too funny! Thanks for the laughs!
    (oh, and how about ‘are you done yet?’)

    Reply
  2. I must admit, I have used the, “God! Can’t you just breathe through your nose?” to a couple guys. *lol* Usually, I have PMS when I say it. I had one guy that would breathe through his mouth all the time. Drove me flippin nuts, and one night when we were busy, I blurted that out. Bad Bernie

    Reply
  3. I try not to say this to my husband but sometimes it just blurts out. “can we just get this over with already?”

    Reply

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