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Bah Humbug!

 

bah, humbug: take two
Image by PrincessFroglips via Flickr

Well, I hope you all enjoyed a very Merry Christmas!

Mine was mixed; there was a Great Moment, a Truly Disappointing Moment and a Tiny-Why-Can’t-You-Just-Keep-Your-Big-Gob-Closed Embarrassing Moment.

Truly Disappointing Moment: Needless to say, Santa didn’t deliver the goods.

Bastard.

There were chocolates and books under the tree, a pretty pink duvet set and Bon Jovi’s Greatest Hits, but no naked bloke, with or without a sense of humour, or a pulse.

I was gutted. Really.

And I blame the kids. If they hadn’t let Rudolph ‘escape’ on Christmas Eve, I’d have had bargaining power. But, oh no! I have to have the only teenagers in the country – no, the world, who aren’t rebellious! I had to breed teenagers with a social bleedin’ conscience! Ye Gods! They’ll be helping little old ladies across the street, next!

But what about me? I’m old and single, getting wrinklier by the second. Soon, the children will be gone, and I’ll be alone. My only friend, a steaming pile of reindeer poop and a dog with Special Needs.

Great Moment: I’ve been pimped! Actually, let me re-phrase that; my blog has been pimped by the lovely Bernie over at One Mixed Bag. Yo, sistah!  Not only does she make me laugh, but she’s featured some really great blogs as well, so I’m honoured to be mentioned! Have just joined the Over 40’s Blogroll, and am looking forward to checking out some other blogs written by wrinklies more mature and experienced peeps.     😉    Thanks, Bernie!

Tiny-Why-Can’t-You-Just-Keep-Your-Big-Gob-Closed Embarrassing Moment: I’m not much of a drinker. Seriously, I giggle after the first mouthful, and start slurring before I’ve finished one drink. It’s shameful, really.
Well, the boys and I headed off to our local for Christmas dinner, and I made the fateful mistake of having a vodka before eating. And not just one, but a double! One sniff of the hard stuff, and the world was a wonderful place.

‘Boys!’ I cried! ‘I luff you! C’m here so Mommy can kiss you, and hug you ‘cos I luff you!’

And that wasn’t even the embarrassing bit…

‘Oh, look! How funny!’ I screeched to a group of people at the bar. ‘My children are embarrassed because I’m a but squiffy! And I’ve only had half my drink!’

‘Arrr, you’m a cheap night out then, moi luvverrr!’ some old farmer replied. (Remember: this is Cornwall.)

‘I know!’ I cried. Again. ‘Can you believe I’m on my own? Really! I’m such a cheap date, I should be flooded with offers. Look, I’m all this fun after half a vodka! Jeeze! I’d prob’ly get naked after two!’

Honest to God, I have never seen a pub empty so fast.

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

10 responses »

  1. Reading about your drink and wanting the kids to come kiss mummy. *lol*
    Damn kids need to learn to rebel a bit. Can’t they go knock off a liquor store or something? Join a gang? Well at least you will know that they will be able to knit you slippers in your old age.
    A pink duvet set? I’m so jealous. I love pink!
    You will live the other over 40 bloggers, they are an interesting group of gals. I’m glad you signed up.
    And as for pimping, I love your blog. It makes me laugh and that is a huge plus in my book!

    Reply
    • Aww, thanks. I think I might be falling in luff with you *blushes* 🙂
      The pink duvet set matches my fuschia-pink bedroom…Is this why I can’t find a man??!
      And I despair of my kids; my eldest got stopped by a policeman last night – and stood and talked politely to him! :-O ‘Go for the helmet, son, and then run like your arse is on fire!’ 🙂

      Reply
  2. No takers?!? Man. I’m assuming they all had plans, right?

    This is a good notice to me that I need to raise more rebellious children. Though they seem to be doing an okay job so far, I need to make sure that (should I ever find myself single) they will provide a juicy man under the Christmas tree. Excellent idea.

    Reply
    • I don’t know where I went wrong with my kids; they’ve got no sense of adventure and they’re teenagers for goodness sake! How old are yours?
      No takers, and no Robbie Williams lookalike under my tree 😦 Next year can only get better. I hope!
      Thanks for stopping by, Tracey. I’ll be visiting you in the next couple of days – get the kettle on! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Hi!

    Thanks for stopping by the Over 40 Bloggers I added your blog to the list!!

    Thanks for joining the party!

    Hope you get lots of followers from it! Including me!! Please follow me back if you haven’t done so already!!

    Be sure to come by every Thursday night for the Follow Friday 40 and Over Blog Hop!

    Have a great day!!
    Java

    Reply
    • Hey, thanks for having me – so to speak… 🙂 Love what I’ve seen of the Over 40s Community, but it’s gonna take me a few days to get up to speed.
      Erm… what’s a Blog Hop? * blushes* 🙂

      Reply
  4. Grey Goose, Dirty

    LMAO Tiny! Although I will forgive you for your sissy-esque tollerance for liquor, that is hysterical! TOTALLY something I would do! Well, not the embarass the crap out of my kids thing (as I don’t have any), but announcing that your affections could be purchased so cheaply 😉

    Reply
    • My poor kids. They’re gonna be in therapy for years getting over my mothering ‘skills’! As for the drink, I vow to do better next year. It’s on my list of New Year’s Resolutions – if I can get my arse in gear, I’ll post them later 😉

      Reply
  5. I’m not sure if Java will get back to answer your question about a blog hop. Since I stalk you, are those new jammies? Anyway, You go to the over 40 bloggers on Friday and grab her button for the blog hop and put it in your post. Below the button is a set of links, other blogs are who doing the “hop” you add your link. It will make sense when you see it. Anyway, folks go visit new blogs and some will start to follow you. Try it, it will make you feel good.

    Reply
    • Aww, thanks, Bernie. I’m such a technological virgin – why is there no blushing emoticon?? I’ll give it a go, but I’ll prob do it all wrong and make a tit of myself. No change there, then 😉
      Oh, and stalk me all you like – I kinda like it 😉

      Reply

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