Oh boy, it’s that time of year again. Big confession: I hate New Year’s Eve with a passion. Yeah, I know I come across as a jovial, optimistic gal (where’s the tongue-in-cheek-emoticon? I WANT MORE EMOTICONS!!), but the truth is, I’m a miserable, pessimistic old cow. Instead of looking forward to the New Year, I always look back and think, Shit! Another year wrinklier, another year where I’ve achieved absolutely nothing, and another year of dating dorks and still no sign of Prince-Chuffin’-True-Love-Charming!
I aim to drink myself into a coma and sleep my way through the midnight festivities. A miniature bottle ought to do it…
But first, my New Year’s Resolutions: In 2011 I resolve to:
- NOT sit around in my pyjamas all day. Instead, I’ll move my laptop into the bedroom.
- Stop confusing LOL with a real word – ‘You made me LOL!’ or ‘Crikey! That was LOLsome!’
- Give up smoking. At least twice this year.
- Stop flirting with my sons’ friends. Nah, actually that’s never gonna happen.
- Tackle my daytime-napping problem. From now on, only two per day.
- Eat more cake when watching TV. Fat arses are sexy, right?
- Take up a new hobby. Maybe vodka.
- Exercise more. I will walk upstairs to tell my son that tea’s ready instead of sending him a text.
- Be less fussy when it comes to choosing men. Bernie’s right – who says a bloke is only suitable if he has a pulse?
- Be a better mom. That means talking to my son instead of messaging him on Facebook. Especially when we’re in the same room.
- Stop swearing. Yeah, right. Like that’s ever gonna fuckin’ happen. 😉
Happy New Year, peeps! But let me know – what are your New Year’s Resolutions?