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Oh bum! It’s nearly New Year…

Two New Year's Resolutions postcards

Image via Wikipedia

Oh boy, it’s that time of year again. Big confession: I hate New Year’s Eve with a passion. Yeah, I know I come across as a jovial, optimistic gal (where’s the tongue-in-cheek-emoticon? I WANT MORE EMOTICONS!!), but the truth is, I’m a miserable, pessimistic old cow. Instead of looking forward to the New Year, I always look back and think, Shit! Another year wrinklier, another year where I’ve achieved absolutely nothing, and another year of dating dorks and still no sign of Prince-Chuffin’-True-Love-Charming!

I aim to drink myself into a coma and sleep my way through the midnight festivities. A miniature bottle ought to do it…

But first, my New Year’s Resolutions: In 2011 I resolve to:

  • NOT sit around in my pyjamas all day. Instead, I’ll move my laptop into the bedroom.
  • Stop confusing LOL with a real word – ‘You made me LOL!’ or ‘Crikey! That was LOLsome!’
  • Give up smoking. At least twice this year.
  • Stop flirting with my sons’ friends. Nah, actually that’s never gonna happen.
  • Tackle my daytime-napping problem. From now on, only two per day.
  • Eat more cake when watching TV. Fat arses are sexy, right?
  • Take up a new hobby. Maybe vodka.
  • Exercise more. I will walk upstairs to tell my son that tea’s ready instead of sending him a text.
  • Be less fussy when it comes to choosing men. Bernie’s right – who says a bloke is only suitable if he has a pulse?
  • Be a better mom. That means talking to my son instead of messaging him on Facebook. Especially when we’re in the same room.
  • Stop swearing. Yeah, right. Like that’s ever gonna fuckin’ happen.       😉

Happy New Year, peeps! But let me know – what are your New Year’s Resolutions?


About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

14 responses »

  1. All fine goals. This whole post made me laugh out loud. See no lol. Very ambitious list! Taking up vodka would be an interesting thing to do. Don’t over do it with walking over to tell your son its tea, start small. Perhaps every couple of days you could do that. Don’t want to burn out during the new year!
    Have a wonderful night.

    • Let’s scrap the LOL one; it’s a great ‘word’! And don’t worry – I won’t overdo things straight away. By June I should just about be doing the stairs once a day 🙂
      Have a great night 🙂

  2. I’m not making any. I’m just to continue on as normal and make improvements in my life a bit at a time.

    That cake one sounds good mind.

  3. Grey Goose, Dirty

    Happy New Year Tiny! I hate New Years Resolutions (but love yours) ’cause I never keep them! My last year’s NYR was to give internet dating a whirl so I could try to find ‘someone special’ and we all know how that worked out! I guess I should have specified someone NOT ‘special ed’ 🙂

    • I don’t keep to them either. But most of this year’s ones are doable, I reckon. Especially the new vodka hobby. God, that was just embarrassing!
      I lolled at the ‘special ed’ – see! I’ve scrapped that one already 🙂
      How’s it going with Paddy O’ Leary’s goatie? I’ll try and visit later! Have a great night!

  4. Oh my you are too funny! Found you on the Follow Friday!

    • Aww, thanks, Kris. I think. You did mean ‘funny’ ha-ha, and not ‘funny’ strangely weird? 🙂
      Thanks for signing on. I promise to stop by shortly!
      Have a great night!

  5. Stopping by via the Friday Hops to follow and to say hello.
    Have a great New Years!

  6. Grey Goose, Dirty

    I can fully attest to vodka being an awesome hobby! I think it’s truly my gift to the world …. not painting, or singing, writing or acting …… drinking, I can do though! 😉 Stupid Paddy O’ Screw Up My NYE is out of town ~ he’ll be back on Monday, so we’ll see how long it takes me to scare this one off 😉

    • Taking up vodka will at least be cheap – one bottle a month oughta be enough!
      Paddy O Screw Up – I like it! He doesn’t sound easily scared. I think you may have found a keeper! 🙂

  7. This was hilarious. I found you through the WordPress blog buddies and I’m glad I did. I’ve also planned on walking upstairs instead of texting (I also call) and talking to my kids instead of Facebook messaging them. I’ve added you to my feed because I know you will keep me interested and entertained for a long time to come. 🙂

    • Hi Moni,

      Gosh! Now I’m worried; the pressure’s on!

      My youngest and I will sit in the same room and message each other great long conversations on FB instaed of chatting! It’s funny, but at the same time, it’s bad! 🙂

      Thanks for signing up and commenting. I’m sure I visited you earlier, but kept following different links and couldn’t find my way back again! I’m such a techno-moron!


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