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The Male is such a simple creature…

Enhydra lutris asleep 3

Image via Wikipedia

Youngest son and I engaged in a lively intellectual debate over breakfast this morning.

Actually that’s a lie.

Neither of us are what you would call Happy, Shiny Morning People. No, before midday our conversations generally consist of monosyllabic grunts and a series of informative hand gestures:

‘Mmmfl’ means ‘Good morning, revered mother of mine!’
*Point* ~ ‘May I have three Weetabix or two slices of toast for breakfast, please,’ depending, of course, whether he points to the cereal cupboard or the breadbin.
*Imitation gagging* ~ ‘You’ll have to have toast; the milk’s gone off.’
‘D’you wannonit?’ ~ ‘Peanut butter, or jam on your toast, darling?’
‘Sweary word’ ~
‘I seem to have forgotten to purchase bread. How about a lovely bowl of frozen peas, instead?’
‘Uggg!’ ~ ‘I need the loo.’
‘Teeeee!’ ~ ‘I’m having a particularly bad morning. Please make me a brew, or I’ll start throwing things.’
‘Lunch?’ ~ ‘Have you already made my lunch, Mother?’ This is, of course, a rhetorical question; Mother always makes lunch, otherwise, left to his own devices, the poor boy would starve.

Well, this morning I thought I’d shake things up a bit, get some old-fashioned family  communication going.

The conversation went  something like this:
Youngest: ‘Lunch?’
Mum: ‘Yes, honey. It’s out in the kitchen, ready. And I’ve done your drink as well.’
Youngest: ‘Ugg!’
Mum: ‘Well, please make sure you open the window this time. Yesterday –  Son, what is it? What’s wrong?’
A deep look of consternation had burrowed its way across my youngest son’s face. His eyebrows crossed, the skin around his glazed eyes puckered and I swear I saw his bottom lip tremble.
Mum: ‘What’s troubling you, darling?’ I asked, reaching across to smooth the furrows in his wrinkled brow. ‘Is it school? World hunger? National debt? Are you concerned about your future? The planet? Rising university fees? The fact that we have a duplicitous coalition government that nobody trusts?’
Youngest: ‘Nah! I was just wondering what you’d put in my sandwiches.’


About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

6 responses »

  1. LMAO!!! I can relate to the conversations early in the morning. Same here, no one is communicating in Queen’s language! As a matter of fact, no one communicates at all in the morning. We just sort of breeze around eachother!

    “The fact that we have a duplicitous coalition government that nobody trusts?’”

    I’d rather have that than what’s in our house right now stateside!

  2. What in the hell is Weetbix? Is that a cereal? A toast of some sort? Its sounds like an animal you might find in Africa.

    Your conversations sound like ones we have around here on the weekends.

    I must ask, what was in the boys sandwich? What does Mummy make for a lunch? I’m very curious.

    • Lol! Weetabix is a crunchy cereal that looks a bit like thick biscuits – kind of… you pour milk and sprinkle sugar on top for a delicious wheaty breakfast treat (Crikey! They should be paying me!!). Will see if I can find a picture.

      The sandwich was – drumroll, please – cheese and pickle!! He had an apple, one satsuma, a chocolate Kit Kat, a yoghurt and a big, thick doorstep sandwich! 🙂

  3. Sounds like some of the morning conversations my parents have my middle Brother these days, though he is more found of going, “Hmmmmmmmm,” in response and to ask questions as well.


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