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Star Wars, Condoms and Loads of Corrections…

Who is your 'Doctor'?

Image by Matthew Stewart | Photographer via Flickr

I’m having one of those weeks. And if I’m still sane on Saturday, it’ll be a bloomin’ miracle!

Well, sane-ish…

On Monday I visited the doctor in the morning and the vet in the afternoon. And no, I don’t have fleas, but thanks for asking.

My GP has (finally) decided to test for this Addison’s Thingy. I’m glad he took two weeks weighing the options before coming to a considered conclusion. Honestly. I’m relieved the thought of me lapsing into a potential coma didn’t rush him into making any kind of hasty decision. And I’m sure my blood-pressure hasn’t suffered any long-lasting effect. I mean, everyone has constant palpitations from time-to-time, right?

But the good news? There’s only a small chance I may go into ano  anna  annofalactic shock from the stuff they’ll use to inject me during the test.

Well, that’s okay then.

The visit to the vet was much more comfortable. My job was holding two recently neutered dogs in the back of my neighbour’s car while she drove to the clinic so they could have their stitches yanked.

Two nervous, yelping, yowling, fidgety dogs. And the poor puppy was so upset, he couldn’t help barfing up his dinner. All over me. 


.Image via Wikipedia

When I finally got home, Youngest said, ‘Urggg! What’s that horrible smell?’
‘That’ll just be me, son. I’m plastered in puppy puke.

‘On Tuesday I was back at the docs. Youngest has tonsillitis. It’s viral rather than bacterial, which means NO antibiotics, lots of lazing about in front of the TV rest,  plenty of expensive designer drinks fluids and bucket-loads of whining tender loving care.

Today I’m taking my friend to the dentist. She’s needs a tooth pulling. And she’s really phobic. I’ve promised to hold her hand; when if she feels any pain, she can break my knuckles squeeze my hand. Boy! am I looking forward to that one!

Tomorrow I have my Addison’s Thingy Test. They take an initial sample to test the levels of Whatever-It-Is in my blood. Then I get the injection of Whatever-It-Is into my blood and I have to wait for half an hour for Whatever-It-Is to circulate my bloodstream. Finally I have another blood test to see if my body has naturally generated Whatever-It-Is in response to the synthetic injection of Whatever-It-Was they injected me with.

I’m not sure when, exactly, I’m supposed to go into ano  anna  annofalactic shock. I’ll have to ask.

Finally, on Friday – if I’m still alive – I’m having an ultrasound scan. I’m not sure I want to go into details. Oh, alright, then. Since you’re so persistent, but I’m warning you: it’s not pleasant:

I’m having an … er…internal examination to see if really heavy monthly occasions are being caused by anything more …er…sinister than normal. It’s part of the whole Is-It-Time-For-a-Nap-Yet exhaustion thing. I’ll have this Star Wars type light saber instrument covered with a condom poking around where nobody’s poked around for a very long time.

I wonder if we’ll go to dinner first…


About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

16 responses »

  1. It would be polite for it to at least buy you a drink first 🙂

  2. I’ll be curious to read how your test goes. I’ve had HBP and palpitations too since last June so can empathize. Prayers and best wishes!

  3. You’re such a good friend. Going to the vets and sacrificing your body for the sake of keeping the car clean! I’m sure your friend was very grateful! Now you’re going to the dentist and in hopes she doesn’t pass out on ya and you’ll have to carry her out. Meanwhile, you’re having tests done. Is anyone going with you? What if you go into Analshock or whatever they call it?
    I hope the other situation isn’t severe. Hell, he better take you out to dinner!

    • Like I said, just one of those weeks… Also bringing Eldest home from Bristol on Friday evening as he’s ill with a flu-thing. I feel like painting a red cross on the door and yelling ‘Unclean! Unclean!’

      My friend was very brave 🙂 Seems she doesn’t need the tooth out after all, just a bit of treatment. And I had a nice flirt with the dentist 🙂 Wonder if I’ll be issued with a sexual harrassment lawsuit on Monday… 😉

      I’ll be fine *gulp* When the doc mentioned the risk of going into shock, I said, ‘Well, if I do, at least I’ll be in the right place. I mean, you’re not gonna let me die on the premises now, are you? It just wouldn’t be good for business.’
      He gave me a solemn nod and replied, ‘We’ll do our very best not to let that happen.’
      Well, that’s okay then! 🙂

      Thanks, and I’ll keep you posted!

  4. Oh, a yearly violation. What fun for you. Suggest a quick kiss before he starts. That way you start off on a good foot.

    Puppy puke, yummers. I bet you smelled purty.

    A good friend to go hold your friend’s hand at the Dentist.

    Are you going to be going to the Dr.for your blood thiny alone? *sigh* I really hope they get this figured out for you. I’m sure it must be causing a bit of anxiousness on your part. Soon it will all be figured out. Your being quite the little trooper about it all. *hugs*

    • A quick kiss? Good one! Knowing my luck I’ll get an old, warty woman 🙂

      And my friend did so well; she hardly hurt my fingers at all 😉

      I am going on my own, but if I feel dodgy afterwards, I’ll ring someone to come and rescue me! Thanks, Bernie. I am quite anxious, that’s why I keep making fun of it all; if I’ve turned it into something funny, it’s not quite so scary. I’m sure it’ll all be fine and just hope they discover what’s wrong so we can put it right. *return hugs*

  5. Grey Goose, Dirty

    Wow Tiny. I’m exhausted just reading all of that (love the new elongated ‘decorator’ paragraphs in the middle – lol). Your doctor sounds like an ass.

    Good luck with the youngest, btw, i just got over viral tonsilitis and it stuck around for 3 weeks! Oh, sorry to spring that on you.

    Keep your chin up. Hopefully all your tests will come back okay yet still give your head-up-his-ass (oh, sorry, arse) doctor an answer as to what is going on.


    • lol! What can I say? It keeps me amused 🙂

      My doctor is an ass. If this test comes back negative, I’ll end up holding a sit-in at the surgery, trying to persuade him that something physical really is wrong. :-/

      Three weeks? Noooooooooooo! This one’s got ’til Friday then it needs to bugger off! Am bringing the Eldest home on Friday for a few days ‘cos he’s ill with a flu-thing. What a healthy family! 🙂 Hope you’re feeling better now!

      Thanks, hon. I’ll keep you posted *return hugs*

  6. Wow, you’ve had good luck. I hose myself down with frontline to keep the fleas away. >_>

    Just kidding.


    I hope things go well for you, and you don’t end up kicking the bucket at the doctors and…uh…I’m gonna stop trying to comment now. >.<

  7. Definitely hoping that things get diagnosed soon. Paul’s mun has been waiting over 10 weeks for an operation that she really needs.

    • Thanks, Em. It’s mad how you have to wait so long for everything. Another week before I get the results back, and I’ve been going back and forth to the docs with this since September!

      Hope Paul’s mum gets a date soon!

  8. I would gladly donate a gallon of my blood to flush out any nasties in your system, Ms Temper, but I’m not sure we’re compatible for a transfusion. I won’t ask you to think of me when you’re being probed with the light sabre – I’m not that vain. You may pick a film star of your choice.


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