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What Every Guy Wants for Valentine’s Day…

Anthropomorphic Valentine, circa 1950-1960

Image via Wikipedia

This is the post I so wish I’d written. When I read it on Ellen’s Guide to Bad Internet Dating, I peed myself, laughing! Hope you enjoy as much as I did!

I keep hearing ads on the radio for ‘what to get your guy for valentine’s day’.  They tout everything from sweaters to watches to romantic trips to whatever. 

Duh, it’s not that hard.  Sure, I don’t have a guy this Valentine’s Day (or for any Valentine’s Day in recent memory for that matter), but it doesn’t matter.  I know men.  I know what they like and what makes them happy (I just usually choose to do the opposite). 

It doesn’t have to be expensive, or cost a thing, for that matter.  It doesn’t have to be wrapped in a bow or gift wrapped in any  way at all.  It’s really no secret, but just because I’m a giver and want to help those of you that are stumped on what to get your guy for Valentine’s Day, I’m going to share my top secret, make-em-cry and be sooo nice to you the rest of the day present.

What does every man want for Valentine’s Day?  Regardless of age, height, weight, socioeconomic status, bank balance or anything else it’s plain and simple.  He wants a blow job.  Duh. 

I for one feel that those things need to be earned and not just handed out willy nilly.  Actually, to be perfectly honest, I’m not a huge fan.  Any wonder I’m single?

*note – this gift also works for Christmas, new years, birthdays, anniversaries, st. patrick’s day, kwanza, hannukah, president’s day or any random Tuesday (or monday, wednesday …. you get the idea) 

Ellen has as much luck dating as I do, and it’s never right! She’s funny, insightful and gorgeous! And she knows what every guy wants for Valentine’s Day! Could there be a more complete package?

Thanks, sweetie, for letting me steal your post. Happy Friday!


About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

8 responses »

  1. She could write advice columns in the local newspaper!

  2. You know us guys so well…

  3. Grey Goose, Dirty

    Quite the honor Tiny. Glad you liked my post enough to share. Glad also that even more people now know I don’t like giving blow jobs. ;-P

    Eh, it’s not like my dates could get any worse armed with this information anyway. 🙂

  4. It’s about time the sex toy industry came up with a suction device for women like Ellen who’d rather not slurp on the lolly. I doubt most men would notice the difference – few of them can focus their eyes when they’re being siphoned.


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