This is the post I so wish I’d written. When I read it on Ellen’s Guide to Bad Internet Dating, I peed myself, laughing! Hope you enjoy as much as I did!
I keep hearing ads on the radio for ‘what to get your guy for valentine’s day’. They tout everything from sweaters to watches to romantic trips to whatever.
Duh, it’s not that hard. Sure, I don’t have a guy this Valentine’s Day (or for any Valentine’s Day in recent memory for that matter), but it doesn’t matter. I know men. I know what they like and what makes them happy (I just usually choose to do the opposite).
It doesn’t have to be expensive, or cost a thing, for that matter. It doesn’t have to be wrapped in a bow or gift wrapped in any way at all. It’s really no secret, but just because I’m a giver and want to help those of you that are stumped on what to get your guy for Valentine’s Day, I’m going to share my top secret, make-em-cry and be sooo nice to you the rest of the day present.
What does every man want for Valentine’s Day? Regardless of age, height, weight, socioeconomic status, bank balance or anything else it’s plain and simple. He wants a blow job. Duh.
I for one feel that those things need to be earned and not just handed out willy nilly. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I’m not a huge fan. Any wonder I’m single?
*note – this gift also works for Christmas, new years, birthdays, anniversaries, st. patrick’s day, kwanza, hannukah, president’s day or any random Tuesday (or monday, wednesday …. you get the idea)
Ellen has as much luck dating as I do, and it’s never right! She’s funny, insightful and gorgeous! And she knows what every guy wants for Valentine’s Day! Could there be a more complete package?
Thanks, sweetie, for letting me steal your post. Happy Friday!