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Glad that week’s over…

Blood Test Kit

Image by Alegrya via Flickr

What a week! But, hey! I’m still alive! Thank heavens for small mercies and all that crap.

What can I say about Thursday’s tests, except they’re over!  I look like a heroin addict from the all the bruises and needle holes in my arms, but what the hell! I’m not comatose, or twitching on the floor in a state of shock, so that’s a bonus.

It’ll come as no surprise that I was nervous:

‘Umm… I know I’m just a smidge neurotic but, if I do go into shock after this injection, you’re not just gonna leave me to die on the floor of the waiting room, are you?’ I asked the nurse.

‘No, of course not!’ she replied. ‘That’d be far too traumatic for the other patients. And they’d be tripping over you. No, we’d definitely drag you into the corridor before you died.’

Yeah, yeah. All the world’s a stage and everyone’s a comedian, I know…

So I had the first blood test as a baseline, and then the piggin’ jab, and let me tell you, it hurt like a bitch.

And I whimpered like a kitten. I think I cried a bit as well. Don’t judge; it hurt! 

I waited in a waiting room full of flu-germs and incontinence problems, worrying about keeling over on the grubby green carpet, and tried to breathe.

Half an hour later, I heard a voice: ‘Mrs Tiny! Come through, please, if you’re still alive.’

‘Yes!’ I cried. ‘I am still alive! No twinges, no gasping for air, no rolling around on the floor and farting! In fact it was quite boring, just sitting there. I’m almost disappointed, to be honest…’

I went home an hour and a further two blood tests later.

On Friday I had my internal ultrasound thingy. Good news! My bits are still all there! And perfectly normal! I expected them to be atrophied from lack of use, but no! I am intact and healthy! Praise be!

After a quick round of shopping, The Ex and I drove up to Bristol to collect Eldest son for the weekend. And we got to meet The Flatmates! It was terribly exciting and I tried to be Ms Jolly and Cool and Trendy, but I’m pretty sure I came across as Mrs Old and Knackered.

Oh, well. I took beer, I’m sure they’ll love me  😉


About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

12 responses »

  1. I had a Yellow Fever shot last year, as I was supposed to be jetting off to deepest darkest Ghana. The Nurse made me read a sheet about the shot before administering it, about all of the various ways that the innocuous contents of the syringe could harm me. The largest print on the sheet was “YOU CANNOT RECEIVE THIS INJECTION IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO EGGS”. In went the needle, and I had an instantly sore arm.

    Five minutes later she was running through travel advice and asked if I was allergic to anything. I said “Oh just eggs”. She went a funny colour of pale white and said “Shit, seriously?”. I revealed my jovial nature to her and told her “No, just joking”. She punched me on my swelling arm.

    Guess I deserved that ?

  2. Glad that is done for now. *hugs* I’m also glad that you didn’t pass out in the waiting room. Big plus for you!

    So your naughty bits are still in tact? Go figure. Good to know they don’t shrivel up. Good to know for future reference.

    Wear long sleeves. You don’t want folks at the market to think you took up a new habit.

  3. Don’t you hate doctor’s offices??!! God they’re atrocious! I hate needles too. I get queasy just having people TALK about them. I can’t look when they take blood or I’d puke all over everything. It’s always a relief knowing your “bits” aren’t going to fall off or dissolve in the immediate future!

    I have to say though, having you in the waiting room was probably great entertainment! You’re a hoot!!

    • Me too! 😦 I have to look somewhere else when they pit the needle in…. Once, I had one of the boys on my lap for a jab and I turned away… My son was so pissed at the needle, he just yanked it out again! And I was the one who got a bollocking!

      Yeah, I do seem to provide entertainment wherever I go… Sometimes I wish I was normal… 😉

  4. Grey Goose, Dirty

    I’m sure the eldest’s flatmates thought you were AWESOME! Beer bribes are always a good thing 🙂

    Yikes, sounds like a fun couple of days last week. I hate needles and blood draws too. I always make them use the teenie tiny needle that they use on toddlers (hey, at least i don’t demand a lollipop after) …..

    Yeah, that’s the thing about atrophied parts ……. you’re never going to know if they still work until it’s time to actually use them! 😦 I just hope a cloud of dust doesn’t burst forth the next time I should ever get lucky.

    • Lol! I always ask for a sticker and a cup of tea and a biscuit. Never get it, though… 😦

      It’s amazing about the bits, eh? And we’re in our sexual prime, Ellen! It’s all going to waste, godammnit!

  5. Oh dear, Ms Temper, I wish I ‘d been there to rub some soothing jungle ointment over your sore arm. Couldn’t they have chosen a fleshier part of your body?

  6. After all that, you should have saved some beer for yourself.


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