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Wanna play doctors and nurses?

A doctors stethoscope, lilac coloured, close u...

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Apologies for being so rubbish at posting recently. I’ve had a truly horrible couple of weeks…

First off, the blood test results:

Doc: (I swear to God he isn’t even qualified. I’m sure he’s gone AWOL from the local mental hospital, snatching a stethoscope as he legged it out of the window, but Doc is shorter to type than Annoying-Arrogant-Dickhead-In-White-Coat-With-Stolen-Stethoscope-Wrapped-Around-His-Scrawny-Condescending-Bastarding-Neck.)

Doc: ‘Okay, bloods are fine; you don’t have Addison’s. I can’t find anything wrong with you. Like I said, it’s depression.’

Tiny: ‘Umm…Okay, but  what were the actual results?

Doc: *stares blankly*

Tiny: ‘You know, the actual numbers?’

Doc: *sighs* ‘Baseline was 504. Thirty minutes after cortisol injection was 674. Sixty minutes after injection was 730.’

Tiny: ‘So, my levels didn’t double?’

Doc: ‘No, your levels didn’t double, but your baseline was within normal range, therefore, you do not have Addison’s or any kind of adrenal problem.’

Tiny: ‘Umm… Levels are supposed to double in healthy people. I should have cleared 1,000…’

Doc:’ No! You passed the test! It says so right here! Look! “Normal response”!’

Tiny: ‘With the greatest respect, I know these test results show I have adrenal insufficiency. I need to see an endocrinologist. Preferably before I have a crisis and die.’

Doc: ‘I could prescribe diazepam; you seem anxious.’

Tiny:’ Damn skippy, I’m fucking anxious! I’ve got books to write! I wanna see Eldest son graduate! I wanna see Youngest son through school and off the piggin’ X-Box! I need treatment! I need to get better! I need to stop sleeping sixteen hours a day!’

Doc: ‘Have you ever seen a counsellor about depression?’

Arrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

On the way out I made an appointment with another GP. And if she so much as even thinks the D-word, I’ll give her bloody depression – she’ll be as miserable as I am, when a surgical team has spent three hours trying to remove that shiny stethoscope out of her arse…

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

10 responses »

  1. ROFLMAO! You tell ’em Sara!!!

    What a shame. National Health care, huh? Can’t fucking wait.

    Reply
  2. I don’t know what you’ve got , Ms Temper, but it sounds like the kind of thing that has a herbal remedy. If the white coats don’t heal you, I suggest you see a Chinese doctor.

    Reply
    • At the moment I’m open to all suggestions and alternate medicines. It just drives me mad! You know your own body better than anyone, but does that ever get taken into account? No! Arrgghh!

      When this is all over, I’m coming to you for a holiday!

      Reply
  3. Let’s hope that seeing a different doctor will help. Anyway, people know when they’re depressed and you don’t strike me as the kind of person who would not realise that depression was the problem.

    Reply
  4. I hope the Dr. plays nicely with you. She will never know what hit her if she doesn’t. *hugs*

    Reply

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