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Random Thought for the Day #3

Whoever writes the instructions on those home-hair-dye packets is a knob.

‘Leave dye  for 15 mins for a subtle shade, 25 mins for a darker tone or for high-grey coverage.’

Yeah, right. What it should say is: ‘Leave hair dye for 25 minutes if you really want all your grey bits to go flourescent red. Or orange. Or, with shades 13 and 37, a vivid shade of plum. The rest of your hair will, of course, dye to a bog-standard mouse-brown colour, but we find it highly amusing to watch you all walk down the street with stupid- coloured highlights!’
On a sixteen-year-old adolescent  it  says, energetic, creative, exotic:

My new hair colour yay!

Image by reutC via Flickr

On a forty-odd-year-old woman, it just says feather- fucking- duster: 

en:Feather duster sv:Dammvippa

Image via Wikipedia

And there’s this other bit: ‘Rinse until the water runs clear.’ You could stand there ’til your arse turns blue, and the bloody water never runs clear! Two months’ later – when your roots have sprouted another inch of grey – the bastarding water still doesn’t run clear!

It should say: ‘Rinse until you lose the will to live.’
                             ‘Rinse until the neighbours send  in paramedics.’
                             ‘Rinse until your nipples drop off.’
                             ‘Rinse until you’ve used up all the water. In the street.’
                             ‘Rinse until your roots have turned grey. Again!’

Who writes this garbage? I bet it’s a man…


About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

8 responses »

  1. ROFLMAO!!!!! Feather Duster!!!!! *Rolling………………* and the fucking rinsing….and we’re suppose to conserve resources??? I run out of hot water sometimes before it’s rinsed out clear!! You’re too funny!!!!!!!!

    I know what you mean!!!! I have very resistant grey all in the front. When a picture is taken of me, “snow capped mountains” is the image I see. The rest of my head is all brunette. SO….when I use hair color, and if it has red hues in it, the front is red (dark orange to be precise). Being that I have very fair skin it really looks bright. Like a 50 year old trying to look 35. And I use those semi permanent colorings that wash out so I don’t get that “line” of grey when it grows in.

    What’s a woman to do!

    • It’s true though, isn’t it?! I’ve got a grey streak at the front of my hair too – I knew we were sisters! – it’s currently shades of red, orange and pink! WTF?!
      We’ve got matching hair – how freaky is that?! Semi-permanent – that’s the way to go! In a month’s time I’ll have a lovely ridge of grey along my roots 🙂

  2. Grey Goose, Dirty

    LMAO, I turned my hair orange once . Lovely shade. Thought I could pull off the whole ‘strawberry blonde’ thing, but it was just bad. Had to run to the store (hair shoved up in a hat) and buy some bullshit neutralizer that helped ………. a little 😦 Now I just keep my greys and call them highlights.

    • Oh lol! How does blonde turn into orange? I bet it never said that on the bleedin’ instructions, nowdid it? ‘Warning! may turn orange!’
      My worst one was dying my hair red – the box called it ruby. I called it shit! Proper bright red – you know the poster paints we used to use in school? That red! OMG! It took ages to fade… 🙂

  3. *howling* So its not just me? I agree, the water will never run clear. You can stand there for 3 days and it will still be dripping dye.

    • It never runs clear! Why can’t they just say that on the box? I bet thousands of women each year die from hypothermia while they stand in their showers, waiting for the bastarding water to come clear! 🙂

  4. Yeah… I finally had had enough of the grey a few months ago. Left it on for the designated 25 minutes. Is that 25 minutes from when you’re finished putting the shit on? And, what if it takes you forever to put it on and some parts of your head end up wit it on for 45 minutes??? Um, my hair was nearly black from the “Medium Auburn” dye – except the grey. It was fluorescent red, then turned back to grey withing a week. The extra-dark “auburn” hair really highlighted those greys I was covering up in the first place! I have another box of a different brand in my cupboard, but I’m afraid to use it!

    • Lol! Why do all hair-dye colours go flourescent red?! There’s no point picking out a colour; it’s just gonna end up red, or orange! Grr!

      How can auburn turn black? What are they doing to us? 🙂


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