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The Curious Incident of Next-Door’s Dog Barking in the Night…

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Koala asleep
Image via Wikipedia

One night last week I was snoozing soundly in bed, all curled up and cosy, when I heard our dog barking. My eyes flew open; he never barks during the night. Or if he does, I never hear him.

You know, by now, how my minds works: ohmygod, we’ve got burglars! There’s a fire! Somebody’s stealing my car! Or the burglar’s trapped in a fire while trying to find my keys so he can steal my car…

And then I realised something – it wasn’t our dog barking, it was next door’s. Phew! Not my problem, so I was safe to carry on snoozing.

Wrong! I heard the bounce of bed springs and the creak of floorboards creaking (I’m sure our walls were built from Cornflakes packets; you can hear everything going on next-door, and yes, I mean everything, even the noises when he’s umm… entertaining – boing, boing, bounce, bounce, squeal, bang, bash, ahhhh!)

But where was I? Oh yeah, awake. And the neighbour hadn’t just thrown a shoe at the dog or politely asked for quiet, but he’d actually got up, therefore, by my reasoning, something was wrong!

So I asked myself the question a completely neurotic person should never, ever ask herself at 4 o’clock in the morning: Should I be worried? I mean, what could possibly be wrong next-door that might affect us?

Shocked Face [1]

Image by jnyemb via Flickr

Was there a fire? Should we evacuate? A burglar? An outside prowler? A rampant sexual predator? Was he heading for us? Our home? Our Car? Our oil tank? Was there a gas leak? Were we about to explode in our beds? (Thank God I don’t sleep naked!!) Subsidence? Were our semi-detached houses slipping down a mine shaft? Was there a flood? Was somebody ill? Passed out on the floor? Should I ring an ambulance? The police? The Army? What about George, Mildred and Penny on the other side? Were they in trouble? Had the dog heard a commotion from their side? Did they need help? A blanket? A cup of tea? Was it an earthquake? A thunderstorm? Lightning? Should I unplug the computers? Were we at war? Being bombed? About to be gassed? Was it nuclear? Did I have time for a wee?

Don't Panic Badge

Image by Jim Linwood via Flickr

It was no good; I had to get up and investigate. There was no sign of natural disaster or mass destruction downstairs, but Eldest son was sitting on the sofa watching TV.

‘What you doing, Nigel? It’s like half-four in the morning!’

‘Couldn’t sleep,’ he replied. ‘It was too noisy.’

See! I knew something monumentally awful was going down. There’s nothing more rewarding for a neurotic than having her worst fears realised! Was it aliens landing their spaceship in the garden?

‘Nah, it was Youngest Brother. I can’t share a room with him anymore, Mum, he’s so bloody noisy when he farts and snores in his sleep. It’s a wonder they didn’t hear him next-door!’

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

18 responses »

  1. ~~Tiny, you always make me 🙂
    from one neurotic to another. xx

    Reply
  2. OK, you are too funny! I want you to know that I read all of your posts I just don’t always comment…Oh, so was the dog barking at the farts or the snores?
    Pinkim from TrulySimplyPink

    Reply
  3. LOL! Oh geez that reminds me of my boys.

    Reply
    • Boys! Aren’t they great?! Makes me laugh ‘cos Eldest is home from uni – he lives on a one of the busiest streets (in a flat, not actually on the street…) in a major city. There’s ambulances, police cars and pedestrians all zooming past the flat night and day, and he finds his brother’s snoring too loud to sleep through!!

      Reply
  4. You forgot to ask yourself if a Tsunami was coming.

    Ok, so the noise was your eldest son, not the neighbor? Oh, wait, eldest woke the neighbors dog……because youngest farts too loud and snores. Right?

    Reply
  5. Tiny, I’m so happy you found me. Love your sense of humor! And, er,I would’ve wondered about the dog, too! Happy fo follow you back!

    Reply
  6. OMG! This had me rolling before I even managed to drink my first cup of coffee! The sounds that come out of my son’s room when he and my stepson (15y.o.) are in there would get a dog barking like mad! I’m just glad it’s only the sounds and not the gasses that are passing through the walls!

    Reply
    • Good grief! Even I can’t cope with my life before I’ve had my first morning cuppa! 🙂 Boys are just gross, aren’t they? Love ’em but… And I can’t really complain about the noise when I’ve got one here at the moment playing electric guitar! 🙂

      Reply
    • Why, thank-you! 🙂

      And thanks for stopping by! Your blogging name makes me think of The Great Gatsby – I’m guessing that was intentional…?
      Will stop by later for a visit 🙂

      Reply
  7. Oh, good. I’m not the only one who runs down each disaster in her head in the middle of the night. I do the same thing. If the dog twitches or moves, I know someone is in our house.I just know it. *lol*

    Reply
    • lol! it’s amazing what disasters you can imagine in just a few short minutes, especially during the night, when it’s dark and the world’s asleep… 🙂

      Reply

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