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Life’s Just too Bleedin’ Short for…

ironing ~ I used to spend hours – nay, days! – of my life toiling to make clothes crease-free, and it was simply a waste of time! Kids just sit on your neatly pressed piles of laundry, or chuck it on the floor and kick it around the carpet, or the sweaty-wet dog, who’s just bounded through a dirty stream, makes it into a bed, or – best-case scenario – the kids’ll jam it into unforgiving drawers or cupboard recesses along with last week’s mouldy peanut butter sandwich.
And whoever laid on their death-bed – white and teary – mourning the demise of knife-edge creases running down the front of their favourite crimpoline slacks?

Got Caught
Image by DeHKsY via Flickr

… hanging your undies out on the washing line ~ it’s a fiddly, fart-arsey, far too time-consuming waste of life. And it’s no fun retrieving your favourite pair of comfy thongs from the elderly male next-door neighbour because there just wasn’t enough material to keep the little bastards pegged on the line. You know the ones ~ five-years-old, elastic chewed and dangling, dyed a murky grey from being washed, balled-up in the leg of your favourite pair of black, bootleg jeans, and marked with poo stains from that day you bent down to forage for a missing contact lens and the stringy bit really did go up your arse?
No? That’ll just be me, then…

A rear view of a woman's thong underwear.

Image via Wikipedia

… glossing woodwork ~ I hate, loathe and detest gloss paint with a passion reserved only for Jason; it’s just so gloopy, and you have to be really careful, working the paint, avoiding drips runs and drips on the carpet, and despite having to do it so carefully, you have to work super-fast, blending sections, because the paint you applied thirty seconds ago has already started to dry and just refuses to blend with the fresh stuff, leaving a lumpy, uneven ridge that looks like it’s been applied by a semi-conscious, drunk, blind cat  And, then, when it’s dried you notice a sketchy bit, but you can’t just dab a bit of paint on to fill in the gap, like you can with emulsion. Oh no, ‘cos then, it’d just looks awful, so you end up re-painting the whole of the bleedin’ skirting board or door. And, then, when that coat’s dry, you notice another sketchy bit and – arrrggghhhh! 

Thrown paint

Image by Rockies via Flickr

… moaning  ~ nope, I’m wrong. There’s always time for bitchin’.

… making the bed in the morning ~ sorry, Irene and Hilary, but I just don’t get it. Why waste the energy when you’re only gonna go and rumple it again at night? And if your duvet’s permanently crumpled, nobody’s ever going to suspect that you succumbed at 2pm and crawled into bed for an afternoon snooze.   😉

Messy Bed

Image by Patrick Q via Flickr

… regrets ~ however many ‘mistakes’ you make or ‘wrong turns’ you’ve taken, they’re in the past. Done and dusted. Gone. It’s just a waste of energy regretting stuff, unless you’re now in a position to put things ‘right’ – apologise or give it up or make amends, learn from it and move on.
Track back all those things that went ‘wrong’ in your life and, chances are, you’ll have learned an important lesson or developed as a person as a result of that trauma. Yeah, I know it all sounds a bit vomit-inducing and New-Agey, but you get my point!
Bottom line: we’re only human and we all cock-up from time-to-time, and let’s face it, even Spiderman could be a bit of a knob.

Spiderman

Image via Wikipedia

… wasting time on selfish, disrespectful people ~ we all need to develop a healthy dose of self-esteem and acknowledge our own worth, and either help teach these people some manners or kick ’em into touch. I’m not talking about friends who have an occassional needy moment – don’t we all? – or those who need support because they’re going through a crisis. I’m talking about people who continually put you down or abuse your kindness by taking all the time and never giving anything back.

The 1976 book The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawk...

Image via Wikipedia

… internet bleedin’ dating ~ ye Gods! I’d rather watch gloss dry than spend another minute of my pitiful life trawling the net trying to find a bloke with testicles in amongst all those weedy, needy, pathetic big girls’ blouses masquerading as men!

Nothin' like a dame...

Image by Lee Carson via Flickr

…listening to Rebecca Black ~ ‘It’s Frid-ay, Frid-ay! Gotta get down on Frid-ay! Everybody’s looking forward to the week-end, week-end…’ Actually, why should I just suffer?

And so endeth today’s rant.
Now over to you: what else is life just too bleedin’ short for doing?

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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

30 responses »

  1. You go girl. I’m with you on all of those. When I saw the bed one, I thought of Irene and Hilary as well. *lol* I thought of how disappointed they would be.
    Internet dating sucks. You never know what you would find. I met Roy via a chat room his friend and I were talking in. First time I flew to MT I asked him how I could be sure he was not a serial killer. He told me not to worry about it, but his mom. We were having RIBS my first night in MT. I went anyway. *lol*

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  2. I am tellin’ you I just LOVE the way you write! I couldn’t agree with you more…I think I will answer you later tonight, while I am not at work…lol…how abut life is too blinkin short for work!

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  3. Dusting If you leave it long enough and don’t disturb it, you never have to dust again!!

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  4. I totally agree with you about making the bed, no flippin’ point! And I absolutely REFUSE to click on that video link. Somehow I have managed not to listen to that girl and I’d like to continue that thankyouverymuch! 😉

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    • LMAO! It’s awful, isn’t it? My Eldest has just learned the guitar chords for it and seems to sing and play the bloody thing all day! He finds it hilarious to wind us up with it because it’s so bad! 🙂

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  5. Well, you’ve already read my rant for the week. I agree with you 100% on the whole bed-making thing. I just don’t see a point to it–that night I’m going to kick all the covers off, anyway.

    I think you should take a look at this SCARY picture I found: http://data.whicdn.com/images/8076492/tumblr_li892pTSQi1qge1ago1_400_thumb.jpg?1300634030

    Reply
    • Brilliant! I love that photo! Can I re-post it? And yeah, the whole bed thing just doesn’t make sense to me, either. And really, if I’ve just got the duvet into a perfect arse-snuggling state in the morning, why would I straighten it out and lose it? It means burrowing from scratch again the next night! Haven’t these bed-making peeps ever heard of energy conservation? 😉

      Reply
  6. ROFLMAO!! OMG, the Rebecca Black…..I gave that up 5 seconds after I heard it. It’s all a publicity stunt.

    But making your bed makes your bedroom look neat and tidy. I like neat and tidy.

    I NEVER use gloss paint. Always egg shell or flat. Gloss peels too easily.

    I’ve been thinking about thongs…..still thinking….

    No, moaning is always in fashion and I always find time to do it.

    And don’t you DARE do internet dating! There are some crazy ass guys out there. I do know a lot of divorced guys though.

    Great post Sara!!

    Reply
    • Lol at your comment! Eldest son’s just started playing that Friday crap on his guitar – it’s his idea of humour!!
      I think we’ll have to disagree on the bed issue… However, if we ever share a bedroom, I promise to make my bed for the duration of our visit 😉
      Yeah, I think I was a tad too descriptive on the whole thongs thing… 😀
      I did the internet dating for a few months – my stories are all posted at the beginning of the blog, and yeah, I know there are crazy ass guys out there – I bloody met ’em all! 😀

      Reply
  7. Still here reading and laughing along :o). Have to agree with all of these. Life is definitely too short. Add to this list negativity, just brings you down and makes life feel so much worse than it actually is. Sorry the internet dating proved as bad an experience for you as it was, even if it did give the rest of us a few laughs! Hopefully your Prince is out there somewhere, waiting to help you keep your bed creased and lived in ;o)

    Reply
  8. Nope sorry I have to disagree on the making the bed bit… I like to get into a tidy bed, no fighting to find the right way up.
    ( As for hanging knickers on the line.. my neighbour thought for years I didn’t wear any because I never put them on the line! )

    Reply
  9. Grey Goose, Dirty

    I can’t believe you slammed internet dating! It’s such a joyous thing! I can’t think of anything more fun and uplifting than sifting through a multitude of bullshit profiles looking for that one shiny penny in the ginormous pile of horse pucky. 😉

    Reply
  10. I agree with ironing! The only time I ever take my iron out is when my mom comes to visit. Unlike me, she thinks properly ironed clothes are very important!

    Reply
  11. Life is too short to… get into debates with ignorant people. I hate trying to have a conversation with someone who refuses to even acknowledge that there might be another side to an issue that is valid. Complete waste of time.

    Reply

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