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I’m Considered Gorgeous, Cute and Versatile – no, wait. It’s just Versatile…

May God, Buddha and the whole darn Universe shower blessings upon my beautiful bloggin’ buddy Bernie for she has bestowed upon me The Versatile Blogger Award! Yay! Go, me! *does that celebratory circular thing with her arms, like she’s stirring two lumpy bowls of cold custard*

I luff Bernie’s blog; she is quite mad, and does quite mad things, like dressing up a life-size mannequin, hauling him all over the house, and photographing him doing the dishes or taking a pretend pee! How wonderfully awesome and creative is that? 😀
Thanks, Bernie for my wonderful new award!

The_Versatile_Blogger_Award

Now I must share seven facts about myself. To be honest, I’m a little worried here; you’ve had my phobias, my dreams, my crushes and my mega-sized tampon-rolling stories. What is there left to share? My bra size? Oh, okay then, perv…

  • My bra size is 36B and my arse size is huge. Happy now? 
Ramoji Film City

I don't have a tail though... Image by varun_shinde via Flickr

  • I’ve got two tattoos – a Japanese symbol on the top of my left arm and a Celtic type thing just above my right ankle. It looks a bit like a flattened cactus. The Japanese one is supposed to mean ‘Good fortune, luck and prosperity’. I suspect it actually says ‘Stupid mare paid £50 for this crappy doodle. Lol!’

 

First the arm, and now the ankle – hell, at this rate you’ll be able to piece me together like scraps of dog-chewed socks. Okay, okay, here’s another morsel:

And I even shaved my leg – just the one in the photo though…

  •  I got my Master’s degree a couple of years ago, and now I really, really really want to do a Ph. D, exploring the changing gender roles within modern society. I also think it’ll make for a great chat-up line: ‘Take your clothes off, mister. You can trust me – I’m a Doctor.’  😉
115.365 - Porn for Women: Vacuuming

Image by Jeff the Trojan via Flickr

  • I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Basically, this means I poop a lot. If I eat spicy, I poop; if I eat fatty, I poop; if I’m worried, stressed or scared, I poop masses. Once just before starting the MA – I was worried, stressed and terrified, and lost two stone in two weeks through perpetual pooping. Really, it’s an art…
Toilet Instructions

Image by dianaschnuth via Flickr

  • I’ve never broken a bone and I’ve only ever had one operation – a tonsillectomy, and boy! was that fun! I was thirty at the time, and you know how hospitals always feed children ice-cream after they’ve had their tonsils removed, well, I wasn’t allowed to leave until I’d eaten two slices of DRY toast. Oh yum. And it didn’t hurt at all, ripping away at my bruised and lacerated throat.
    But the post-op pain was the killer! A week after I’d had ’em ripped out, I phoned the doctor in tears, begging for horse tranquilisers. ‘It hurts sooooo much, *wail* I’m in agony! Help meeeeee! *more wailing, sniffing and snotty sobbing*
You make vita cry!

Image by jpockele via Flickr

  • Number six… I’m really struggling here … umm… I know! Twitter! I have 121 people following my bird farts (phrase courtesy of The Coupon Queen. Sorry, I love that term. It’s mine now 😉  ) 119 of them are 13-year-old girls who really think I’m Tinie Tempah. I mean, WTH? Apart from the whole different name-spelling issue, doesn’t the gravatar image give ’em a clue? Do they really believe a big, butch, black rap-singer parades around in shiny bright red high heels?
    And I keep tweeting tweets like ‘Just to let you know – I AM NOT Tinie Tempah!’ but do they listen? No. I keep receiving messages saying ‘U R gr8. I luv U and Justin Beiber *heart, heart*’ Oh, the pressure of stardom…
Nine cadets from the Bluegrass Challenge Acade...

Image via Wikipedia

  • Okay, I’m stuck now – ask me a question – any question – and I’ll edit the post to add the answer. C’mon, I know you’re nosy – what would you like to know?
    NB. I DON’T know where you can buy Star Wars’ Condoms, so don’t ask!  🙂
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About Tiny Temper

I'm a middle-aged freelance writer living in Cornwall. And no, it's not all sun, sand and steaming pasties. I've been married, done the divorce and accidentally shrunk the tee-shirt.

18 responses »

  1. blackwatertown

    Like the line about just shaving the one leg.

    Reply
  2. Grey Goose, Dirty

    you and Justin Beiber ARE the bomb! Oh wait, I hate Justin Beiber ……… but I love you! 😉

    never would have pegged you for a tattoo fan ….. i guess it has to do with those fuzzy slippers….

    Reply
    • Yay! Go, me! 🙂
      I love tattoos but not when they’re splattered over everywhere – that’s just kinda gross 😦 I do want another one -a ditzy fairy wearing Doc Martins on my right shoulder because I always say I’ve got a Fuck-Up Fairy sitting up on my shoulder! Youngest Son (who’s very arty) started designing one, but never finished it.

      Reply
      • Grey Goose, Dirty

        OMG! That tattoo sounds awesome! Shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but I have 3 …… across my neck and forehead…

        Just kidding – all well hidden …… well, all but one ….. and no, it’s not a tramp stamp (although I’ve certainly earned one) 😉

      • Be proud – you’re lovely! What ones have you got? No need to tell me where they are… 😉

  3. I’m still reeling from the Master’s Degree tidbit. Good for you!!

    I would just shave one leg as well. Its too much work to harvest both of my tree trunks.

    Thanks for the sweet pimping of my blog.

    Reply
    • God, don’t be too shocked – it wasn’t hard, just lots of work. We were supposed to study for about 40 hrs a week. I was easily putting in 60 and looking after two children – I’d regularly fall asleep and wake up with the imprint of the laptop keys over my face! 😀

      Glad I’m not the only one with that view to shaving legs!

      And you’re welcome; I love your blog – sorry for being so bad at commenting recently 😦

      Reply
  4. Hmmm when’s the last time that shaved leg got any action?!

    Reply
  5. I lurve tattoo’s!!! I have four and am saving up for my 5th. Damn addictive those things!

    Reply
  6. ~~Here’s your question, Tiny:
    What is the most “Dumb Ass” pick up like you’ve
    have from the dudes in England?

    Reply
  7. First of all – do you know where that photo of how to use a toilet was hanging? That’s just so… weird.

    Next – you’ll have to hang out with me. I have NO butt and my “boobs” would make yours look like something out of Hustler! And I’m still breastfeeding! It’s a wonder the little guy didn’t starve to death!!!

    And, finally, congrats on the award. You really are a “versatile” blogger!

    Reply
    • No idea – I just plucked the picture off Zemanta. Makes you wonder though…

      Lol! I had great boobs when I was breastfeeding – only time in my life I’ve ever had a decent cleavage! In fact I blame the breastfeeding – they shrivelled to nothing afterwards!

      Thank-you, but I’m more of an erratic blogger at the moment. I wonder if there’s an award for it.. 😉

      Reply

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