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10 Good Things on Monday…

I must apologise – sorry, sorry, sorry – for not reading any blog posts for a few days – I’ve been so busy, I’m all behind with the fun stuff. I went to a Creative Writing workshop on Saturday – I have to just share this with you – we all tried Automatic Writing (meditation, putting pen to paper and allowing a ‘higher force’ to guide the words – could be God, Spirit, or your subconscious mind, depending on your beliefs). Well, most of us had squiggles to show for it, but Diane, the lady next to me, had three lines of perfectly formed  letters – but written backwards! We all crowded into the ladies and shoved her paper up against the mirror – it read: ‘Hello. I am here writing.’ Wow!
We all stampeded back to our tables, determined to find hidden messages in our scrawl. Eldest son suddenly yelled, ‘Mum! Look! You’ve written LOL backwards!’   😀
Am I deeply philosophical, or what?

Anyway, moving onto today’s post where I’m linking up with Nina on Brush Up On Your Reading for 10 Good Things on Monday, and this time I’ve chosen my ten most-loved books:

       1.Wuthering Heights ~ Emily Brontë

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Probably my all-time favourite novel – it’s about love, passion and tragedy on the Yorkshire Moors – a once-in-a-lifetime, all compassing love that transcends the grave. A bit like me and Jase…   😉

      2. One Day ~ David Nicholls

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It’s the 15th of July 1988. Emma and Dexter spend their graduation night together. The next day, they must go their separate ways. David Nicholls tells their story on this one day every year for the next thirty years. I love this book! My favourite quote: ‘You’re gorgeous, you old hag, and if I could give you just one gift ever for the rest of your life it would be this. Confidence. It would be the gift of confidence, Either that or a scented candle.’

         3. Dear John ~ Nicholas Sparks

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Get your tissues out, girlies, this one broke my hardened, cynical little heart. Can love survive long-distance and the pressure of professional duty? Be warned: the book’s far more emotional than the film!

        4. Insomnia ~ Steven King

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I’m pretty much in love with anything Stephen King writes, but I particularly love this one. It’s all about pensioner Ralph suddenly developing insomnia, yet as he needs less and less sleep, his mind becomes sharper. And then the hallucinations start – dun, dun, dunnnn – the colours, shapes and strange auras. Needless to say, there’s an evil force afoot, and Ralph must play the hero and save the world!

         5. Spanky ~ Christopher Fowler

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Martyn Ross has a miserable life until he meets Spanky – his very own personal demon. Spanky makes Martyn’s wishes come true, but is Martyn prepared to pay the cost for such hedonistic pleasures? Really tight, witty writing with a story premise that explores the deeper issues of mankind, it’s a favourite, folks, it’s a classic!

       6. Blacklands ~ Belinda Bauer 

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A chilling psychological drama set on Exmoor. Twelve-year-old Steven Lamb’s uncle disappeared as a child, and the family are still grieving. Everyone believes he was murdered by Arnold Avery and then buried on the moors. Steven decides to contact the child-killer, hoping to discover the whereabouts of his uncle’s remains… A fantastic story full of intrigue and suspense as we’re taken into the minds of both a small boy and a manipulative serial killer.

         7. Hot Six ~ Janet Evanovitch

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Stephanie Plum is a blonde, sassy bounty hunter who keeps her gun in a cookie jar. Part six of a series that is outrageously, laugh-out-loud funny. This one starts off with: ‘Okay, so here’s the thing. My mother’s worst fear has come true. I’m a nymphomaniac. I lust after a lot of men. Of course, maybe that’s because I don’t actually have sex with any. And some of my lustings probably aren’t going anywhere. Probably it’s unrealistic to think I’ll ever get it on with Mike Richter, the goalie for the New York Rangers. Ditto Indiana Jones.’
I just love, worship and adore this woman: when I grow up, I wanna be Stephanie Plum.

        8. Where Rainbows End ~ Cecelia Ahern

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 Aww, another we-can’t-quite-our-acts-together romance, but this one’s funny and touching. Rosie and Alex are naughty seven-year-old friends, then rebellious teenagers and finally, fully fledged adults. They nurture their friendship through misspelled notes in school, e-mails, postcards and misplaced, emotional love-letters. Will these two ever get it together?

        9. Play Dead ~ Harlan Coben 

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I love, love, love this author and his clever plots and twists, always creating intrigue and suspense. I’ve chosen Play Dead because it’s the only one of his books where I’ve been able to work out whodunnit! Yay! Go, me! Laura Ayers is on her honeymoon when her new hubby drowns in the sea. Was it an accident? Or suicide? Or –gasp! – murder! A whole conspiracy plot evolves as Coben drip-feeds us clues and red-herrings.

        10. Pride and Prejudice ~ Jane Austin

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Do I need to say anything about Pride and Prejudice? An all-time classic featuring the wonderful Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy, and let’s face it, we all need a Mr Darcy in our lives *sigh*   😉

Thanks, Nina, for hosting!


Nine Men I Wouldn’t Kick out of Bed for Eating Crisps and One for Irene!

I’m linking up with Nina on Brush Up On Your Reading today for a post called Ten Good Things on Monday. It’s all about listing ten great that make you happy – favourite meals, fabulous books, must-see films – anything that that makes you perky! I probably won’t be allowed back because I’ve chosen to feature my personal list of Sex Gods (and one of Irene’s!)

        1.  Jason Statham ~ I could never mention hunky men without featuring JS. Apart from being knicker-twitchingly gorgeous, he’s starred in some of my favourite films – The Expendables, The Mechanic and The Crank and Transporter movies. 


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       2. Heath Ledger ~ I loved him in A Knight’s Tale…  All that determination and knightly behaviour, and his pecs aren’t half bad, either…       



(* 4. April 1979 in Perth, Western Australia, ...

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      3. Mel Gibson ~ yeah, yeah, I know he’s a bit of a knob and he’s had bad publicity, but he’s still bleedin’ gorgeous, and let’s face it, this isn’t a list about sparkling intellect or wonderful personalities; I’m talking pure rumpy-pumpy value.

Mel Gibson's mugshot from his 28 July 2006 arr...

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        4. Jon Bon Jovi~ but only with the hair. He definately lost some phwoar factor when he chopped off his locks

          5. Johnny Depp ~ oh, yum! He’s got that mean, moody appeal and Cap’n Jack Sparrow is one of my all-time favourite film characters.

Johnny Depp at the Pirates of the Caribbean: D...

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            6. Jeremy Clarkson ~ Britsh TV programme Top Gear presenter with a scathing sense of humour. This one’s for Irene who absolutely lurves him…

Jeremy Clarkson at AutoItalia Stanford Hall 20...

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        7. Richard Hammond ~ my personal favourite of The Top Gear team – he’s just soo adorable! I mean, just look at those twinkly, flirty eyes – cuter than a puppy and less carpet pooping.

Picture of Richard Hammond, on the set of Top ...

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      8. Robbie Williams ~ Whatever ‘it’ is, Robbie has it. Gorgeous, funny, vulnerable and brutally honest about his troubled life. I saw Robbie in concert at Knebworth in 2003 and it was amazing -the sound of 125,000 people all singing Angels was just mind-blowing.

The Best So Far (Robbie Williams album)

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         9. Ronan Keating ~ lead-singer with Boyzone, and couldn’t you just ruffle your fingers through his hair and tear his shirt off?

Songs for My Mother

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        10. Richard Gear ~ One of the few guys around who become more mouth-wateringly tasty as they mature. Richard’s been in two of my all-time favourite mushy films – An Officer and a Gentleman and Pretty Women. What a delectable piece of arse!  🙂

Richard Gere

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Yummy, yum yum! Hope you’ve enjoyed drooling as much as I have!
Thanks, Nina, and I hope I haven’t lowered the tone of your blog hop too much….

Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun #7

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Yay! It’s Friday and time to link up with Hilary from Feeling Beachie and her co-host Kipp from Kipps Version  for our weekly Friday Fill-In Fun!

Each week Hilary posts four statements with blanks for us to fill in our answers. I’m also going to attempt to add the linky. But just remember I’m techno-crap; I’m accepting no responsibility if you press the button and end up

If you want to join in –  and why wouldn’t you? – please follow both hosts and add your name to the porn site linky. Also, visit Hilary if you’d like to submit two statements to be added to the next hop!

1. My favourite kitchen secret is disabling the smoke alarm. That way I can flambé in peace and it doesn’t disturb the neighbours. Or the neighbourhood dogs. My second secret is strategically placed scented candles or particularly potent joss sticks. This helps mask the stench of burnt flesh create a beautiful, calm cooking ambience.      


Joss sticks, Jade Buddha Temple, Shanghai

Image via Wikipedia


 2. Raspberry meringue is my favourite flavour of ice-cream.Yum! ADSA do a wonderful version – it’s creamy with crunchy meringue pieces and oodles of raspberry sauce.      


raspberry ice cream 2

Image by chotda via Flickr

3. My favourite pair of jeans finally wore out! I was gutted; those jeans were awesome – stretchy, soft and shaped. (I always wear bootleg jeans; the flare at the bottom of my legs helps balance the size of my arse. I look more hour-glass than butternut-squash shaped.) They came from New Look, fitted me perfectly and were just so comfy. When they wore through on the knee, I pretended it was trendy. When they wore just just under my right butt cheek, I patched them with bright pink material. I wore them like this for about a two years ’til the denim became as thin as tissue paper and the strain of my mammoth-sized arse proved just too much for the patch. Jeans, I’ll always love you…

Love Jeans

Image by madhavaji via Flickr


 4. If only I could have just one more boink. I’m at a sexual peak, for God’s sake – that stage just before the menopause when a woman’s hormones scream, ‘Boink me! Boink me, now! Before it’s too late! Before my body withers and wrinkles and I start smelling like moth balls and cat wee! Is it too much to ask for? Just one more wild, abandoned, hot and sweaty session of screaming animal sex?!
Oh, Jason, where are you when I need you?


Image via Wikipedia

Okay, hold your breath – I’m going for the linky…

Okay, having problems with the linky… Hmm… Watch this space; I WILL NOT be defeated!

Meet My Giant Bottom on Monday…

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It’s time for Meet a Bigger Part of Me on Monday. And no, I don’t meet my bottom.

I’m linking up the lovely Java on Never Growing Old for Monday’s blog-hop. Every week she posts five questions and us blog-hoppers answers these questions on our blogs and then link up to read everyone else’s answers!

1.  If you had to eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Hmm, well I answered this one last week – roast chicken – yum, yum! So I’ll go with my second favourite food this time, and this one might surprise you – salad! I love a huge plateful of assorted salad stuff; it’s a bit like Pick ‘n’ Mix that’s good fer yer bowels! Iceberg lettuce, rocket, herbs, cucumber, fresh tomato slices, green grapes, avocado strips, cold sweetcorn, grated cheese, ham and chicken pieces, coleslaw, peanuts …Yum! Yum!

2.  Do you write your blog posts in advance or the day you post them?

I write them pretty much on the run. I try to spend Monday writing them all for the week, but rarely manage it. Something always seems to get in the way. Today I needed to get some links and stuff back on my sidebar and would my computer co-operate? Of course not! It just kept sending up ‘Internet Explorer Not Responding!’ messages like I hadn’t noticed! Well, let me tell you, Condescending-Browser-Bar, I did  notice, and if you’d have been paying any kind of attention, you’d have bleedin’ well realised! The constant, agitated swearing through gritted teeth kind should have provided a bit of a clue!

Frustration (was: threesixtyfive | day 244)

Image by Sybren A. Stüvel via Flickr

3.What is your favorite candle scent?

Depends on my mood and how badly I need to mask the smell of wet dog. I love cinnamon, vanilla or chocolate, but at the moment I’m into Summer Berries scented candles.  


Image by SimonQ錫濛譙 via Flickr

4. Have you ever been in an ambulance?

Only once when Youngest was about four – he had a massively high temperature which refused to be treated and he ended up having febrile convulsions. I’ve never been so scared in my life – he started jerking, then his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he was ‘gone’! I honestly thought he’d died. There I was, trying to be coherent on the phone, calling an ambulance when all I wanted to do was belt round the house like a mad, screaming banshee-woman, yelling for them to DRIVE FASTERRRRR!!
It was horrible, even with the company of paramedics in uniforms, it was just awful!

Emergency Tube Margarita

Image by Annie Mole via Flickr

5. Coffee or tea?

Tea, and I like it how I like my men – dark, strong and hot. I usually end up settling for wet and warm, but a girl needs something great to aim for, doesn’t she?

Cup of tea and cake on a red table cloth

Image by Justin Mclean via Flickr

And now over to Java’s to link up:

Meet Me On Monday

Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun #6

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Yay! It’s Friday again! I’ve had such a busy week decorating for my neighbours and messing up my blog, I’ve hardly had time to post! And it’s Eldest Son’s 19th birthday today. Hurrah! Happy Birthday, Nigel Penisworthy! Poor kid’s an April Fools’ Baby!

Each Friday Hilary from Feeling Beachy posts four statements with blanks. We fill-in the blanks on our blogs, link-up and go read other people’s answers. Got that? Good!

1. If I don’t guzzle at least four cups of hot, strong tea  in the morning, my day feels off. My routine: Get up, stumble down the stairs, put kettle on, smoke, make tea, shout at Youngest to get his arse out of bed, drink tea, cobble together a packed lunch, shout louder at Youngest to get his arse out of bed, make more tea, throw breakfast at Youngest, drink more tea, smoke, make more tea, drink more tea, argue with Youngest about the importance of education, make more tea, remind Youngest that attending school is a legal requirement, drink more tea, cringe when Youngest slams front door on his way out, make more tea, check Facebook, drink more tea, open eyes.   

Towering Mugs

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2. When someone walks into my house for the first time, they usually say, ‘Wow! You’ve got so many books! It’s like a library in here!’ And the second comment is, ‘Have you really read all of these?’ Yep! Several times over. I love, love, love reading anything except sci-fi; I really can’t suspend my disbelief long enough to keep me reading. I’ve got chick-lit, romance, thrillers, classics, poetry, horror, supernatural, adventure and even – shock horror! – a certain vampire series…

One of the stores aimed at fans of the Twiligh...

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3. Every time I see the movie My Sister’s KeeperI cry like a baby! That poor, brave girl, fighting leukaemia, and the sister who’s constantly given blood and bone marrow, and Mum, who’s so desperate to keep her daughter alive that she can’t see anything else! It’s tragic! I howl whenever I watch it!   

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 4. My feet feel best when they’re all warm and snuggly in cosy, woolly socks and Eeyore slippers. I’m an old lady; I choose comfort every time! 


Head on over to Beachie’s to join in the fun!

 Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun

Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun #4 On Saturday…

Yay! It’s Friday and time for Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun Blog-Hop! Try saying that after a pint of vodka.

Each week Hilary on Feeling Beachie posts four statements for us to fill in the blanks on our blogs. This week Bernie is co-hosting because she provided the last two sentences. Feel free to hop on over to Hilary’s or Bernie’s and join in the fun by adding your link and filling-in those blanks!

1. I can’t help it, but whenever I see oldies holding hands, I smile. I’m incredibly cynical, yet wildly romantic – go figure! Love that transcends the smooth skin and pert wobbly bits of youth is just wonderful, and I adore seeing oldies hand-holding or cuddling in public. It’s just so, Wow! There’s hope for me, yet!  

Old couple holding hands, Arad, Romania

Image by Royston Rascals via Flickr

2. Every time I smell pipe smoke I’m immediately transported back to my childhood. It’s not a common smell these days, but occasionally I’ll catch a whiff and suddenly, I’m seven again, sitting with my dad while he puffed away on his pipe.

Pipe Rack

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Oh, and mothballs! They take me right back to my Gran’s wardrobe where she hoarded fur coats and wraps. I spent days in that damned smelly cupboard, convinced I’d found Narnia! 🙂

First edition

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3. When I was little I wanted to be a TV cooking show presenter. Lol at me ‘cos my cooking’s atrocious! I spent half my childhood (when I wasn’t busy looking for a non-existent, magical land) in the garden, mixing up pots of mud and leaves, adding coffee and practising camera poses. And I can’t believe I’ve just admitted that in public!

Cooking disaster #1

Image by photos_martha via Flickr


4. If I had to eat one meal for the rest of my life it would be a roast chicken dinner. Oh yum! Roast potatoes – crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside – oodles of moist meat, stuffing balls, Yorkshire pudding, roast carrots, parsnips and sweet potatoes, crisp brocoli and lashings of gravy. And now I’m dribbling on the keyboard.

Roast beef with Yorkshire puddings, roast pota...

Image via Wikipedia

(Yeah, I know it’s roast beef in the photo, but it was the yummiest picture I could find!)

Now get yer butts over to Beachie’s or Bernie’s and join the hop! PS Apologies – I’m late; so this week it’s Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun Blog Hop on Saturday!

Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun #3

Thank goodness it’s the end of the week –  sleep-in time tomorrow! Hurrah!

Anyway, are you ready for some jolly good blog-hopping!

It’s time for Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun, hosted by Hilary over at Feeling Beachie and co-hosted this week by Jennifer on What Would Jen Do!  Every week Hilary and her co-hostee post four sentences for us to fill in the blanks. Here goes!

1 I have to be the worst cook in the whole world! I appreciate eating lovely food but I just can’t be arsed to faff  around making it! Sautee this, marinade that, flambe the other. Add herbs and spices . Season to taste. Season to taste like what, for God’s sake! I mean, what’s wrong with ‘Bung in the oven and when you see smoke, it’s ready’?


Image by Charles Haynes via Flickr

 2. Although for the most part I love it, sometimes I wish I could just get rid of my ditzyness! I’d love – just once – to get in a lift, press the button and arrive at my chosen destination, instead of spending twenty minutes lurching up and down, only to end up on the same floor I started on, seeing the same, perplexed faces peering in at me! I’d love – just once – to find my purse when paying for a pizza, without having to empty the contents of my Mary Poppins-style bag and getting my arse stuck under a chair when trying to retrieve a loo-roll-sized tampon! And I’d love –  just for once – to flirt with a cute Builder Guy and remember to ask his fucking name!   😉

Face Palm
Image by andy.wolf via Flickr

3. The best thing about where I live is the people. It’s a village and pretty much everyone knows everyone else. It was great when the boys were little; if one of the little Herberts was misbehaving at the other end of the village, someone’d be on the phone, grassing ’em up, within minutes. Not that my blonde-haired angels were ever any trouble, of course…


4. Aside from a new house, car or vacation, the first luxury I’d buy myself if I won the lottery is a chauffeur. I bloody hate driving! It’s not the actual mechanics of driving that sends me insane, it’s the other bleedin’ drivers!  They’re so rude! And arrogant! When you veer into a hedge on a narrow lane, you don’t get a ‘thank-you’, you get given the friggin’ finger for not moving faster! And because we’re in a tourist area, we have seven months’ worth of visitors idling their way along the roads looking for quaint pubs and Ye Olde Tea Houses. Arggghhhh!

 Hope you enjoyed! Now hop over to Feeling Beachie and join the fun!

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