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And here’s to me, Mrs Robinson…

David Bowie: Aladdin Sane

Image by alphadesigner via Flickr

I seem to be attracting young men. I don’t know why. But it’s scary.

First there was Luigi aged 24. ‘You’re really hot! I’d love to go out with you. I’ve got some photos I could send…’

Well, Roll On the Floor Laughing, I haven’t been called hot since 1985. Once I’d picked myself up and finished wiping the tears from my cheeks, I mailed him back: ‘Luigi, I’m flattered, but I don’t think so! I’m old enough to be your mother. There must be hundreds of gorgeous girls on this site. Find one your own age!’

‘But I’m not into girls. I want a real woman,’ came the plaintiff reply, along with a handful of the promised photos: Luigi dressed up as David Bowie; Luigi sprawled on the beach; Luigi, shirtless and sulking, in front of a mirror.

As a 20-year-old girl I would’ve slobbered all over my laptop, but as a middle-aged old boiler, I just saw the skinny, gorilla-limbs of an adolescent male who hasn’t yet grown into his body. A typical boy in need of a good home cooked dinner and an early night. Alone.

And then came Robo Cat who was 18-years-old. Eighteen! At college studying for A Levels! I mean, honestly! Where would you go on a date with a schoolboy? Homework Club? I suppose I could have asked him over; he could have played X Box and stayed for a sleepover –  with my kids!

No, this was wrong.  Very wrong. And just as I was dealing with him – firm but fair as recommended by all the good parenting books, up popped Luigi again!

‘Please, just meet me for coffee. Give me a chance…’

‘Why are you mailing me? I don’t get it, really. Explain to me the attraction of the older woman!’

I just prefer an older woman’s body. They’re more confident with themselves, and the conversation’s more interesting. I bet you could teach me some stuff…LOL 😉

Yeah, I bet I could. Like how to look both ways when you’re crossing the road. And how to tie your shoelaces, and put your toys away just before bedtime. LOL. Not.

And lastly there was Tango Romeo21: ‘I’m looking for an older woman’s touch. I’d love to be your plaything!’

I’m losing the will to live. Really.

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