I know you’ve all had sleepless nights, wondering which statement was true on Memetastic Award – hey, Mummy! I made a link! I don’t know if it works, but I made a link!
Sorry, where was I?
Oh yeah, I was about to reveal which one of the four stories was completely true and which ones were embellished:
1 I paid £100 for two front-row tickets to see David Essex in concert. I’d forced my new boyfriend (now The Ex) to go with me. We were on one end of the row, and his Ex was on the other. Oops! Halfway through the show, a little old lady doddered up to the stage to present the man himself with a red rose. Once she’d gone, Twat-Face Essex turned to the band and joked about who was gonna take her home for the night. In between songs they all took the piss out of ugly women in the audience. I was gutted, absolutely heartbroken. I’d had a crush on this bloke for years AND I’d forked out a week’s wages going to see him! Bastard!
Image by stupidpony via Flickr
2. When I was teaching primary school, I spent Summer Fayre Day dressed up as a chicken, promoting the raffle. It was the hottest day of the year, of course, and I was completely covered up in fur and fake feathers. By mid-afternoon I wasn’t feeling too good, but I didn’t end up in hospital that day! A week later I developed a massive dose of cold-sores in both my eyes – they were glued shut for about three weeks – and I swear it was that bastard chicken outfit that transferred the infection!
Image via Wikipedia
3. I was fifteen and on a week-long geography field trip in the Peak District. One day we were supposed to be observing the routines of Bakewell Town Market, interviewing farmers, shopkeepers etc about local farming methods and supply and demand. My friend got bitten by something (not me!) and suffered an allergic reaction. We spent all day in the local hospital while they treated her. Two weeks’ later I won the first prize for ‘mature, conscientious and accurate reporting’ in my project!
Image via Wikipedia
4. I once played the rear end of a pantomime cow in Jack and the Beanstalk. My best friend was in the front and neither of us could see actually see anything out of that damned costume, so Jack used to lead us around while we did these funny co-ordinated dance steps! At the end of one show, he forgot to lead us out for the bowing and rapturous applause bit, so we overshot things a bit and got ourselves tangled up in the stage curtain as it was closing. We ended up yanking the bloody thing off the hooks but we did manage to stay on stage, probably because,by that point, we’d collapsed into a heap of nervous hysteria. Ahh, good times, good times!
Image by jaxxon via Flickr
5. As payback for the David Essex fiasco – hadn’t I suffered enough already? – The Ex took me to an Aerosmith gig at London’s Wembley Arena. The whole place was stacked with 6ft tall, long-haired, bike-riding rockers. I’ m not called Tiny for nothing; I saw nothing except for denim jackets and greasy hair throughout the whole show. I tried standing on the seat, but the speakers were causing so much vibration, I kept being bounced off! I was deaf for four whole days afterwards… It was a fantastic gig!
Image by wstera2 via Flickr
So, the original number 2 was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! 🙂
Does anyone have a clue how to put these awards on my sidebar? I can only get images on there if they have an accompanying text! Pleeeease?!
Prince Charming, my arse! 