Nine Men I Wouldn’t Kick out of Bed for Eating Crisps and One for Irene!

I’m linking up with Nina on Brush Up On Your Reading today for a post called Ten Good Things on Monday. It’s all about listing ten great that make you happy – favourite meals, fabulous books, must-see films – anything that that makes you perky! I probably won’t be allowed back because I’ve chosen to feature my personal list of Sex Gods (and one of Irene’s!)

        1.  Jason Statham ~ I could never mention hunky men without featuring JS. Apart from being knicker-twitchingly gorgeous, he’s starred in some of my favourite films – The Expendables, The Mechanic and The Crank and Transporter movies. 

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       2. Heath Ledger ~ I loved him in A Knight’s Tale…  All that determination and knightly behaviour, and his pecs aren’t half bad, either…       

        

 

 

 

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      3. Mel Gibson ~ yeah, yeah, I know he’s a bit of a knob and he’s had bad publicity, but he’s still bleedin’ gorgeous, and let’s face it, this isn’t a list about sparkling intellect or wonderful personalities; I’m talking pure rumpy-pumpy value.

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        4. Jon Bon Jovi~ but only with the hair. He definately lost some phwoar factor when he chopped off his locks…

          5. Johnny Depp ~ oh, yum! He’s got that mean, moody appeal and Cap’n Jack Sparrow is one of my all-time favourite film characters.

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            6. Jeremy Clarkson ~ Britsh TV programme Top Gear presenter with a scathing sense of humour. This one’s for Irene who absolutely lurves him…

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        7. Richard Hammond ~ my personal favourite of The Top Gear team – he’s just soo adorable! I mean, just look at those twinkly, flirty eyes – cuter than a puppy and less carpet pooping.

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      8. Robbie Williams ~ Whatever ‘it’ is, Robbie has it. Gorgeous, funny, vulnerable and brutally honest about his troubled life. I saw Robbie in concert at Knebworth in 2003 and it was amazing -the sound of 125,000 people all singing Angels was just mind-blowing.

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         9. Ronan Keating ~ lead-singer with Boyzone, and couldn’t you just ruffle your fingers through his hair and tear his shirt off?

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        10. Richard Gear ~ One of the few guys around who become more mouth-wateringly tasty as they mature. Richard’s been in two of my all-time favourite mushy films – An Officer and a Gentleman and Pretty Women. What a delectable piece of arse!  🙂

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Yummy, yum yum! Hope you’ve enjoyed drooling as much as I have!

Thanks, Nina, and I hope I haven’t lowered the tone of your blog hop too much….

Dear Santa…

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Please could you stuff my stocking with chocolate this year? Any kind. I’m not fussy. Although a family-sized bar of Galaxy would be good. And maybe a Crunchie, or seven. And, ooohhh! A couple of boxes of Cadbury’s Creme Eggs…

And for my main present, I’d like Robbie Williams.

No?

Oh.

Well, how about a guy who looks like Robbie Williams? With Alan Rickman’s smooth voice and Mel Gibson’s hairy bottom. Intelligence and a sense of humour are essential. Own hair, a definite asset.

Oh, and a pulse would be good too…

I’d like him naked, but wrapped in layers of pink tissue paper, tied with silver ribbon and topped with a huge bow, please. If that’s not too much trouble.

What d’you mean, Santa? Of course I’ve been good. Well, okay, I’m not perfect; I have frequent evil thoughts and I swear too much. And I’m not very tolerant of weedy, needy men. And I really enjoy taking the piss. And I have no self-discipline when it comes to chocolate. Or deadlines. Or exercise… 

But I’m not evil, exactly…. just mischievous. And fun-loving. And – oh, all right! It was me; I’ve got Rudolph. 

Whoa! Stop yelling! Desperate times call for desperate measures, you know. And it’s not like we’re mistreating him; I’ve cleared out the shed, thrown in some straw and set up a TV and DVD player in the corner. He’s currently watching Saw VI.

He’s been a nightmare, really. It was 3am in the North Pole and the kids and I were decked out in SAS clothing and black balaclavas (try saying that after a sweet sherry or two), trying to lure Rudolph out of his stable. It took two bags of carrots and a bottle of Jack Daniels to get him moving.

‘Mu-um, we shouldn’t be doing this. It’s not right,’ my kids moaned, in unison. (Who’d have thought I could raise kids with a conscience!)

‘Look,’ I snapped. ‘Do you want presents or not? For fuck’s sake, just get behind him and push! No! Don’t let him doop in the boot!’

All the way home, the kids sulked and Rudolph sang Christmas carols. But bawdy versions. That’s something you’ve kept quiet, Santa. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is a raging alcoholic and swears like an Irish navvy.

I know you need him back. But I’m willing to trade. One decent bloke or the reindeer gets it.     😉