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Tag Archives: Jason Statham

Sexy Pink Pyjamas and a Happy Dance

Hellooooo, world, I’m here! *Waits for the cheers to subside and then does a Happy Dance* Well, it’s more of a slow shuffle, but you get the idea.

Deutsch: Dies ist der T-Step, der Shuffle aus ...

Image via Wikipedia

How are you, peeps? What’s been happening in the Wonderful World of Blogging? I’ve missed you! But I so needed to take a break and then I kind of got out of the habit. I will do better. I will do better. I will.
Let me bring you up to date: I’m loads better and have a new job. Now, don’t get too excited; I’ve not joined a team about to find a cure for cancer. I’m not running for parliament, and I’m still not Jason Statham’s salaried sex-slave. (Yet. But I remain optimistic; I just need to work off all those Christmas mince pies and Quality Street chocolates that cling stubbornly to my lardy arse and I’ll be ready for a wild, animalistic, hotel-room trashing, chandelier swinging romp a grown-up, deep and meaningful relationship.)
Jason-Statham

Image via Wikipedia

Anyway, my new job… I’m now a Housekeeper at a small holiday lettings company. It’s about 12-16 hours a week and I can pretty much keep my own hours as long as I’m there for Friday changeovers. I just hope I can keep it up during the summer when I’ve got twenty cleaners and thirty cottages to manage on one day! At the moment I’m just happy to be well enough to work. This time last year I could barely get off the sofa and had to crawl upstairs for a pee.
C0mpletely random, but here’s our dog:
He’s not new, in fact in doggy years  the silly sod is now entering middle-age, but he still thinks he’s a puppy. Poor thing, he’s always had Special Needs. He’s called Deefor, as in A for Apple, B for Ball, D for Dog, but we just tend to call him The Dog With No Brain. Bless!
And then, there’s the new hat I bought myself, ready for the predicted mini Ice-Age. It’s January and it’s been the mildest winter on record, but hey! There’s still time for the snow.  I proudly present Youngest Son modelling Tiny’s New Furry Hat, comeplete with built-in ear-flaps and nipple-warmers:

That's my boy!

Ummm, what else? Oh, I know! I had some pretty cool pyjamas for Christmas. I’m tempted to post a photo, but I’m not sure I should. I mean, they are pretty sex-kittenish. I wouldn’t want any of you getting over-excited and drooling over your keyboard…
Hey, I know – we’ll compromise – I’ll post the picture if you go and grab a paper bag. That way, should you be so sexually aroused that you start hyperventiliating, you’ll have a handy bag to breathe into. And it also doubles quite nicely as a sick-bag.
Okay, here I come, but remember I did try to warn you…

Take me, Jason. I'm yours!

How cool? And they’re not just fleecy, they’re soft and  furry! Furry, I tell you! Like a silky pink cat. I put these on in the evening and can’t resist giving myself a little stroke, and out of my mouth pops a perfect purrrrrr.
And they’re even printed with a little message:

Purrrrr!

Are they not THE perfect present for me? Pink, furry jammies, Eeyore slippers and a snooze on the sofa. Could my life be more complete?
Actually, there is one thing missing: a man. And not just any man – oh, you so know where this is going… The Christmas Fairies gave me a four-film JS DVD set. Actually, I probably shouldn’t call my two 6 foot sons fairies, should I? Anyway, that’s 7 hours of back-to-back, action-packed Jason. Just think if it were front-to-front  – oh, be still, my twitching knickers…
My favourite one in the box has to be Chaos, where he plays a maverick detective trying to solve a bank robbery where nothing was actually stolen. He’s a gorgeous, walking sex-machine at the best of times, but in this he wears a bullet-proof vest and he’s just Phwoarrr!
Ooh, and here’s another mean ‘n’ moody one:

And the last one:

Who’d have thought a woolly hat could be so sexy?

Now, normally I’m careful about the images I use, making sure they’re copyright free, and linking back to the owner, but this time, I’ve just posted. My next update could well be from sent from prison, but I’d be proud to say I went down for Jason.  😉

A Little Something for the Weekend…

Let’s start with a small treat for the guys:

Angelina Jolie at the Cannes Film festival

Angelina Jolie - Image via Wikipedia

 And now, a HUGE something for the girls:

Jason Statham

Phwoooooooaaaaaaaaarrrrr!

Last week I watched The Mechanic – eyes as wide as dinner plates, mouth hanging open and drool dripping off my chin.

Ladies, you have to see this film; within the first five minutes, the smokin’ hot JS had stripped down from silky wet wetsuit to black Calvin Klein’s.
Oh, be still my twitching knickers!

Despite the title of the movie, Jason doesn’t actually play the role of a mechanic – well, not in car-repairing sense of the word: he fixes people – for good.
Gulp.
That gorgeously erotic mass of streamlined, pulsating muscles is, in fact, an assassin. But he’s not a ‘shoot ’em first, ask questions later’ kinda guy, he’s smart (as well as sexy) and makes every death appear accidental.

Jason Statham

This has nothing to do with the film. I just couldnt resist...

All is going well in his world, until he’s ordered to kill his boss – a man he’s been friends with for the last twenty years…

I won’t tell you any more of the plot and spoil the story – I’ll just say, WATCH IT!

The Mechanic

And, guys, you’ll enjoy it, too – there’s action, intrigue, double-crossing, guns, suspense and hot, steamy rumpy-pumpy. Oh boy! Just those scenes’ll keep me in fantasies ’til Christmas.

The Mechanic

*squeal*

Nine Men I Wouldn’t Kick out of Bed for Eating Crisps and One for Irene!

I’m linking up with Nina on Brush Up On Your Reading today for a post called Ten Good Things on Monday. It’s all about listing ten great that make you happy – favourite meals, fabulous books, must-see films – anything that that makes you perky! I probably won’t be allowed back because I’ve chosen to feature my personal list of Sex Gods (and one of Irene’s!)

        1.  Jason Statham ~ I could never mention hunky men without featuring JS. Apart from being knicker-twitchingly gorgeous, he’s starred in some of my favourite films – The Expendables, The Mechanic and The Crank and Transporter movies. 

Jason-Statham

Image via Wikipedia

       2. Heath Ledger ~ I loved him in A Knight’s Tale…  All that determination and knightly behaviour, and his pecs aren’t half bad, either…       

        

 
 
 

(* 4. April 1979 in Perth, Western Australia, ...

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      3. Mel Gibson ~ yeah, yeah, I know he’s a bit of a knob and he’s had bad publicity, but he’s still bleedin’ gorgeous, and let’s face it, this isn’t a list about sparkling intellect or wonderful personalities; I’m talking pure rumpy-pumpy value.

Mel Gibson's mugshot from his 28 July 2006 arr...

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        4. Jon Bon Jovi~ but only with the hair. He definately lost some phwoar factor when he chopped off his locks

          5. Johnny Depp ~ oh, yum! He’s got that mean, moody appeal and Cap’n Jack Sparrow is one of my all-time favourite film characters.

Johnny Depp at the Pirates of the Caribbean: D...

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            6. Jeremy Clarkson ~ Britsh TV programme Top Gear presenter with a scathing sense of humour. This one’s for Irene who absolutely lurves him…

Jeremy Clarkson at AutoItalia Stanford Hall 20...

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        7. Richard Hammond ~ my personal favourite of The Top Gear team – he’s just soo adorable! I mean, just look at those twinkly, flirty eyes – cuter than a puppy and less carpet pooping.

Picture of Richard Hammond, on the set of Top ...

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      8. Robbie Williams ~ Whatever ‘it’ is, Robbie has it. Gorgeous, funny, vulnerable and brutally honest about his troubled life. I saw Robbie in concert at Knebworth in 2003 and it was amazing -the sound of 125,000 people all singing Angels was just mind-blowing.

The Best So Far (Robbie Williams album)

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         9. Ronan Keating ~ lead-singer with Boyzone, and couldn’t you just ruffle your fingers through his hair and tear his shirt off?

Songs for My Mother

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        10. Richard Gear ~ One of the few guys around who become more mouth-wateringly tasty as they mature. Richard’s been in two of my all-time favourite mushy films – An Officer and a Gentleman and Pretty Women. What a delectable piece of arse!  🙂

Richard Gere

Image via Wikipedia

 

Yummy, yum yum! Hope you’ve enjoyed drooling as much as I have!
Thanks, Nina, and I hope I haven’t lowered the tone of your blog hop too much….

Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun #7

Posted on

Yay! It’s Friday and time to link up with Hilary from Feeling Beachie and her co-host Kipp from Kipps Version  for our weekly Friday Fill-In Fun!

Each week Hilary posts four statements with blanks for us to fill in our answers. I’m also going to attempt to add the linky. But just remember I’m techno-crap; I’m accepting no responsibility if you press the button and end up hotporn.com.

If you want to join in –  and why wouldn’t you? – please follow both hosts and add your name to the porn site linky. Also, visit Hilary if you’d like to submit two statements to be added to the next hop!

1. My favourite kitchen secret is disabling the smoke alarm. That way I can flambé in peace and it doesn’t disturb the neighbours. Or the neighbourhood dogs. My second secret is strategically placed scented candles or particularly potent joss sticks. This helps mask the stench of burnt flesh create a beautiful, calm cooking ambience.      

 

Joss sticks, Jade Buddha Temple, Shanghai

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 2. Raspberry meringue is my favourite flavour of ice-cream.Yum! ADSA do a wonderful version – it’s creamy with crunchy meringue pieces and oodles of raspberry sauce.      

 

raspberry ice cream 2

Image by chotda via Flickr

3. My favourite pair of jeans finally wore out! I was gutted; those jeans were awesome – stretchy, soft and shaped. (I always wear bootleg jeans; the flare at the bottom of my legs helps balance the size of my arse. I look more hour-glass than butternut-squash shaped.) They came from New Look, fitted me perfectly and were just so comfy. When they wore through on the knee, I pretended it was trendy. When they wore just just under my right butt cheek, I patched them with bright pink material. I wore them like this for about a two years ’til the denim became as thin as tissue paper and the strain of my mammoth-sized arse proved just too much for the patch. Jeans, I’ll always love you…

Love Jeans

Image by madhavaji via Flickr

 

 4. If only I could have just one more boink. I’m at a sexual peak, for God’s sake – that stage just before the menopause when a woman’s hormones scream, ‘Boink me! Boink me, now! Before it’s too late! Before my body withers and wrinkles and I start smelling like moth balls and cat wee! Is it too much to ask for? Just one more wild, abandoned, hot and sweaty session of screaming animal sex?!
Oh, Jason, where are you when I need you?
   

Jason-Statham

Image via Wikipedia

 
Okay, hold your breath – I’m going for the linky…

Okay, having problems with the linky… Hmm… Watch this space; I WILL NOT be defeated!

Be gentle with me…

Jason Statham

Image via Wikipedia

I must’ve read thirty blogs over the last few days. I’ve followed link after link after link and visited places I’ve never even heard of – Bolivia, that’s you 😉

I’ve got subscriptions pouring out of my laptop – Google friend, Bloglovin’ WordPress, e-mail, RSS feed thingies – they’re hiding everywhere! I know I subscribed to a Feeling Beachy blog, but I’ll be buggered if I can find out where she’s gone!

While I try to get organised, please be gentle with me for I am a blog-hoppin’ virgin. And if anyone knows where the Beachy One is, tell her she is lost.

PS I have no idea where Jason’s photo came from. None at all. I guess it must have been randomly generated to appear on my page. Randomly.

Jason Statham. Now there’s a guy who doesn’t faff with exfoliation…

Well, I’ve bitten the bullet, done the deed and shaved the hairy donkey. (I made up that last one, by the way) I’ve joined an online dating site! I’m looking for a man. A real man. A man with stubble, and dry patches on his cheeks ‘cos moisturising’s for girls. A man who loves and respects his mum, but doesn’t still live by her rules.  Or in her house. A man who has a fine pair of testicles, and knows how to use them.

Oh, and a pulse would be good, too.

I mean, look at him! You’d never catch Jason Statham faffing in front of a mirror, exfoliating, or hot-oiling his locks. He’d be down the gym, or working out, or smacking some wimpy guy’s head against a wall. Not that I’m condoning violence; wimpy guys have feelings, too. But this guy just oozes testosterone and sex appeal. God, you’d never want to get out of bed. Unless, of course, he was waiting for you in the shower…

Oh be still, my twitching knickers!

So now, I’m on a mission; there has to be one middle-aged, unattached, emotionally healthy bloke lurking somewhere in Cornwall. Doesn’t there? Just one, surely.

And once I’ve found him – well, I’m not sure I can remember what to do with him. I mean, it’s been so long, I expect it’s all done by computer these days. Is that what these social networking sites are all about?

A quick Tweet, anyone?

Photo via: www.picapp.com/

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